fashion snobs

i just don't get it. who the hell cares who's wearing what? i have no idea who made my scarf...it's cute and i got it on the cheap.

i'm so sick and tired of taking my used clothes to stores and being made to feel like they are not good enough. dude, they're jeans and t shirts, i could care less. your little attitude 'cause you're a buyer at a "gently used" clothing store doesn't fly with me. i beat up a lot of people like you in high school...they were called cheerleaders.

every time a person says i dress cute i have to laugh. my only priorities for clothes are: do they fit, do they match somewhat or clash effectively, can i sleep in them if need be. haha. i actually have this love for any and all things ugly. a bright orange-red jacket with blue stripes you say? i'll take it. a brown coat with lining that looks like old shag rug? it's mine sucka!

i just don't care about fashion. i don't get fashion. i buy what i like and i used to get pissed when it got popular. now i just get excited 'cause it's easier to find. the best example would be big sunglasses. used to have to scour thrift stores for them...now they're everywhere.

anyways, i just wanted to rant about how annoyed i am at these pseudo fashionistas who think their opinion matters for some reason. i was accosted by one of them at a party who would not stop talking about how fabulous my hair and coat were, and i wanted to stab her. thank god for tequila shots and good friends.

i'm not too picky, your standards have just dropped

what is it with people telling me that i'm too harsh on others? i just think that most peoples' standards of acceptable behavior have dropped so low that they think unacceptable behaviors are perfectly fine. here is my breakdown of what is not acceptable behavior in any relationship:

flakiness: never okay. if you have to back out of something for a legitimate reason obviously that is fine. but when you say you're coming to a dinner i've made reservations for and you don't show up or call it's unacceptable. when we have dinner plans and you have to postpone and you make a make up date but then never call or follow through, it's unacceptable. friends are supposed to be there for each other, not just when it's convenient. oh, and if i ask why you didn't show up and you giggle it off i probably won't be talking to you again. i don't think this is an outrageous thing to expect. you make plans with someone; you either keep them or call...period.

backstabbing: what the hell would make this allright? i can understand if you need to vent to someone about me. i'm an impossible person. i vent too when i'm angry. but when you are blatantly saying things about me behind my back it's unforgiveable. it's worse when you're doing that and then being all fake nice to my face. take all your faces and throw them in the fireplace. i have no use for them.

dishonesty: i just don't understand it. a lot of people have a problem because i am brutally honest. i would rather have someone who tells the truth that might sting a bit, than someone who constantly lies. what's sad is that most people are so knee-deep in their own web of lies they begin to believe those lies. denial is a powerful thing.

fakeness: i don't care if you are a bleach-blonde shoe whore if that's who you really are. be yourself. don't do something because you think it'll make me like you more. are we in the third grade? stand up for yourself and be what makes you happy. don't let anyone dictate who or how you should be. i'll love you for it, i swear.

okay, rant over. i am just so tired of people telling me i have impossible standards. those few folks out there that are important to me know that i do not. i just won't accept that idiocy is something i need to deal with. oh, and if you tell me i'm intimidating that's your problem. if you had some self-esteem i wouldn't intimidate you. whew, now i'm tired. haha.

glad i'm not the only ocd kid here at work

i have been having more and more problems with my anxiety and ocd issues lately. almost made me go and get on meds. but i'm really trying to steer clear of that. having these issues i have become accutely aware of when others demonstrate symptoms of having similar stuff going on. it makes me a little more comfortable. it's seriously difficult to have it like me so bad that when someone leaves staples or paper clips on a counter behind them i can't function for 15 minutes 'cause i'm so pissed. most people would just comment on the previous worker's lack of consideration and carry on with their day. not so with me. anyways, here's my co-worker buddies that make me realize i'm not the only one with issues.

the cup holder lady. i never see her walking without a cup in her hand. reminds me of bob dole and his pen.

the wall knuckler. he always touches his middle knuckle to the wall when walking down hallways. in a doorway he brings his hand in a bit, then continues with the knuckle on the wall. also, when he walks by counters he drags his hand along them.

why i am horrible

i want to walk up to random women and put a vat of conditioner in their hair. especially when they are business ladies with terrible over-worked do's. i don't care if your hair is unbrushed, a mess, you're having a crazy hair day...but i HATE overprocessed hair. seriously, take care of it or cut it off. product is GOOD.

i think the 80s were not a great one for style. the short jean skirts with leggings are not cute. i gag every time i see them. side belts, acid washed, off the shoulder shirts...go away and you no come back no more. i hate you.

i have run into someone on purpose on the freeway for slowing down to 50 in the fast lane. go 70 or get your ass in the slow lane. for reals. especially when you're in a car that can obviously go much faster. you have no business in my "yes, i drive too damn fast" lane. move it asshole!

i make snarky comments to ignorant people in public. i have no right to be snarky, but i do it anyways. it just comes out without thought. you say something ignorant and i'm likely to be right behind you saying something rude. it's who i am.

i know i need to lose weight, but as i have healthy self-esteem i have a really hard time sticking to any sort of workout regimen. my thought is if i lose weight great, if i don't so fucking what. i have no drive. i need to work on that. i want to muay thai box within the next two years. time to start caring.

i honestly and severely dislike most people. especially "sheep" people. people who can't think for themselves completely defy all logic in my opinion. i don't care if you like trendy stuff, if you truly like it. but i find that most people go along with the herd, and it baffles me.

being a state worker

cons: sitting at a desk almost all day. some of your co-workers fit the stereotype of doing as little as possible to pass the day. people expect you to pick up their slack. it's definitely not something anyone ever says they want to be when they grow up. if you're efficient you take on way more tasks than anyone else around you, even if they make exponentially higher salaries. i had to give up a career i loved 'cause it didn't afford me the lifestyle i'd like to live (let's not kid: daycare workers don't make enough to pay the rent and eat let alone buy a home).

pros: great health care/retirement bennies. my boss totally has my back. i will be able to buy a home. i actually work my butt off and rarely make mistakes. i'm proud of my output. it will get me out of my folks' house and not back into an apartment full of slobbish/junkie roommates. it is a job where i can promote despite my visible tattoos and love of strange hair colors.

all in all, i have to say if i could go back and do it all again, i would have gotten a state job straight out of college. had i done that i'd be financially set in my own home by now. as it were, i'm able to pay off all of my bills and get back on my feet in two years. not too shabby. oh, and i am not ashamed to be total george costanza living at home at 33. i weighed my options and did what i had to do. thank goodness i had parents who would help me out. declaring bankruptcy or staying in a house where i kept finding needles and getting further in debt weren't really viable options.

real people

can anyone tell me where they've all gone? or am i just romanticizing and they never really existed in the first place? is it too much to ask that people are honest, and not backstabbing freaks? i have a small core group of people that i care about very much, and i'm beginning to think that meeting anyone new is pointless. every time i do they end up being completely fake. i would assume (wrongly i'm sure) that by age 33 i could find some people who have settled into a niche and stopped trying to prove something.



i make no apologies for who i am: a crazy, hyperactive, intelligent, loud-mouthed, offensive, overweight lady. seriously, i actually really enjoy who i am. i have great character and if you get to know me and you aren't a buttpimple, i am actually quite a wonderful person to have in your corner. unfortunately my judgment fails me and i sometimes come to trust those that i shouldn't. am i jaded? hell yes. have i completely cut myself off from meeting new folks? no. oh, and don't get me started on trying to find a man to date that i can stand for longer than a few weeks. i am changing for no one, just as i would expect no one to change for me. i just really wish that more people had enough self-esteem to be themselves with no apologies

wow, you must think you're cool 'cause you're carrying a bukowski bag

no, asshole, i don't think i'm cool 'cause i'm carrying a bukowski bag. i've always liked the guy. i've had a tattoo of a quote of his on my wrist for 14 years. you're a condescending asswipe for thinking you know something about me based on my choice of purse/messenger bag. yes, i heart bukowski. i could care less if it's gotten some hipster wannabe persona latched on to it.

what i DO think is that i could totally destroy you with my wit and biting sarcasm if i chose to put any sort of efforted response to your comment. instead i turn to you and say, "yeah, i'm like, the fonz, totally." then i put my thumb up and say "ayyyyyyyy." really, that's all the effort you deserve, now leave me the hell alone.

what is with people thinking that i care about their sad little opinions? i'm not blaming you for thinking i'm an ass for having a bukowski bag. think away. i sometimes wrongfully judge people for their shoe or eyewear. i am not gonna lie. but i rarely make a comment about it. and if i do i am prepared to be verbally punched in the gut. i revel in it, in fact.