I may have broken a world record of how short-lived a profile on an internet dating site is up. I lasted eight days. Eight days before I was so fed up with the state of human beings that I couldn't take it anymore, and had to pull it down so I didn't want to go on a shooting spree. So much for keeping a positive attitude and taking it lightly, eh?
For one thing, I do not take joy in the shortcomings of others. I make fun of people a bit, but when it is thrown in my face how truly ignorant most people are, it actually makes me quite sad. Most of these people have kids. They are raising the future humans of our nation. And I can't imagine with notes like, "I want to cum on ur lips" that they are doing a great job. But hey, maybe that's just me.
I started off as the shiny new thing and got a ton of messages. A lot of them to which I would just not respond, or look over their profile and let them know that it didn't seem like a good match to me, and I didn't want to waste their time, but good luck. I got some messages where we had a teeny bit in common and they seemed thoughtful enough and we messaged a few days. My thing is this: I don't go on sites for pen pals or text buddies. I go on for that crazy notion of you know, going on dates. So if I asked a person if they'd like to get together, and there was no follow through, I was immediately disenchanted and uninterested. What are you afraid of? Why are you on a site to date, if you don't really want to date? If you are just on a site to hook up, that's rad, but be an honest adult about it. I have to wonder why you can't just go to a bar for that. I mean, I'm totally average looking but I guarantee that any night of the week I can go to a bar, walk up to a dude and ask, "Hey, do you like blowjobs? Let's go back to my place" and get some. It's really not that difficult. And don't say it's easier for women, because it's not. It is, however, easier for people with a personality. So perhaps that's the issue.
If you send a note and you can't spell or write a coherent message, I'm immediately over it. I knew by Saturday when I was starting to write back smartass messages, that my time there was done. One fellow wrote the oh so thoughtful message of: "Your pretty." I wrote back, "My pretty what?" To which he responded, "I don't understand." To which I replied something like, "Contractions? Yes, it's quite obvious you don't understand how to use them." I know I'm good at snark and smartass, but unlike years ago when I actually prided myself on it, I am now to a point where I don't like that part of myself. I don't want to belittle people and be mean. Now that I really like myself, I don't feel the need to tear others down for my benefit.
Another problem I have with dating is that it seems most people want to date someone who isn't a challenge. They are looking for someone simple, who is beneath them, so they can feel good by comparison. I am the exact opposite. I want to date someone who I think may have something to teach me. I want to be with someone smarter, someone funnier, and someone who makes me think. I want to be the one in wonder, that I have a partner that I get to look up to. Most imporantly, I need a PARTNER. I have a strong personality, and I most certainly don't want someone who I can dominate.
To me, it makes more sense to give one guy a shot, and if that doesn't happen move on. I can't go out with many people at a time. I don't believe dating is a competition, or should be to make people prove themselves as to why they are worthy of your attention. If you like someone, give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, move on. That's how I have to operate. I am uncomfortable going out with Joe Shmo on Saturday, then Dirk Diggler on Sunday. No can do.
The one man that I messaged there, who hadn't messaged me first, had authors listed in his profile I had never heard of. Authors who once I researched them, had written things that I know I'd love to read. That is what drew me in. There was also a plus in the fact that he didn't drink. His looks didn't hurt either. He's about 5" taller than me, meaning I could wear heels. Shut up, that's important! :) He is the only one I'm still talking to, and to be perfectly honest, I have no hopes that it will go anywhere. It would be nice if it does. I am just getting the vibe that his life is pretty full and it may not have space for a new person in it. If that's the case, that's totally fine. I am of the belief that no matter how busy your schedule, if you want to meet up with someone or talk to them, you will make time. We just exchanged numbers on Monday, and have texted a bit here and there. I can honestly say if we don't have a definite date to get together in the next few days, I will lose interest. You know that saying, "Don't make someone a priority, who only makes you an option"? Well, I fully believe and follow that saying. If you don't make an effort to show you're interested and hang out, I completely deflate. I have a teeny glimmer of hope that this may turn in to something, but that's it. And it's not that I'm a pessimist. It's that I'm a realist.
I also believe whatever is meant to happen will. So I'm not really worried about what comes of it. But I also know that that was my last foray in to the world of online dating. I know there are horrible people in the world. I most certainly don't want to be endlessly bombarded with them. I like my world with amazing people in it. I don't find it fun to come up with bad date stories. Well, sometimes I do. Like the guy I went on a few dates with who only ate things like hot dogs and sandwiches. He will forever be known as the boy with the toddler diet.
Happy picture of the day: this is a picture of my friend Rodney, holding up a burger necklace. It is knitted with a huge knit gold chain, then a giant burger at the end. It is very cute. He is a burger junkie. Here's the proof: Burger Junkies.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
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I'm so glad you chose to post something on this topic!!
ReplyDeleteI've been on the fence about online dating. I tried it a few months ago, but I totally wasn't ready to be dating yet. I was just lonely.
I feel like I am actually ready now, but I have been hesitant for exactly all the same reasons you listed here.
I read somewhere that there are a lot of married people on these sites just looking for a little attention. I don't doubt that is true.
However, I think that it is possible to make a real connection with somebody through online dating.
Look at it this way, you're fishing with a much larger net than you would be if you're just out there hoping to meet somebody by chance. How many guys did you date the "natural" way and have it not work out? Now, ask yourself how many DID work out? I'm just saying the ratios are the same. One in ten guys you have met the "natural way" might work out, but when you date online you multiply that number by twenty or so right? So no wonder it seems like there are more jerks online. It's just because you're fishing with a wider net.
I say don't get discouraged, stick with your sarcastic comments and have fun with it!
(At the very least you'll have some get blogging material!)
I think it is possible if you have the patience to wade through tons of trash. I just don't.
ReplyDeleteI haven't found the married people looking for attention. What I have found are a lot of ignorant, scared, and sad men. I don't want to be bombarded with that. I pulled my profile down and will never put one up again.
I have only gone on about ten dates from dating sites, all of which did not end well.
All of my relationships just kind of happened from meeting people on accident in real life. I need to learn patience. It'll happen if and when it's meant to.
I say try it out. You may have a thicker skin and actually be able to have fun with it. After about 5 rounds of putting up profiles for a few months of time with the same results, I no longer have the taste for it. I know it works for some people and I think that's awesome. It's just not my thing.
Hmm, well I'm sorry to hear about all the nonsense. That is one fine looking necklace though
ReplyDeleteThanks Trixie!
ReplyDeleteThe necklace was so funny. I guess he got it on Etsy. It was like a huge gold chain gangsta knit necklace of ridiculous proportions.
I have no idea how people date so many people at the same time either. It's like, don't you get them confused? Sigh...I have a hard enough time keeping track of one man ;)
ReplyDeleteInternet dating is hard to do. Sometimes it's overwhelming b/c there are so many people on there. Other times is just disappointing b/c none of them are looking for the same things.
Good luck girl, you'll find someone soon!! xo
i will keep my fingers crossed for you and this dude!
ReplyDeleteon-line dating is sometimes hilarious. sometimes exciting. sometimes really, really fun. and sometimes deflating, demoralizing and totally fucking depressing. i went through all of those emotions the various times i have been through the on-line dating mill.
but, i have found the last three boyfriend (er, that reads funny -- the first two were LTRs and the current one seems to be heading in that direction) via on-line dating websites. so it is possible to meet a good dude. i guess the odds of meeting a good dude increase with exposure to new people and with exposure to GOOD LUCK. it will happen! it WILL! :)
@ Jax,
ReplyDeleteI think I'm more overwhelmed with the amount of assholery, or people who contact me who have obviously not looked at my profile, but are only interested in my picture.
I can not date multiple people. I'm not the least bit interested in doing it.
@droll,
I know plenty of friends who met really cool guys on sites. I just can't do it anymore. Like I said, I will meet someone when I'm meant to. The fact that bearded fella hasn't even tried to get back to me about my invitation to hang out the 10th, which is the first day we both have time, is offputting. Make a decision and pull the trigger. I don't care if you say no, but say SOMETHING. A maybe is only acceptable as long as it takes you to look at your schedule and get back to me.
Gawd, the grammar and spelling! I wondered if I was being petty when I dismissed guys for that. But it really is a pet peeve for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso guys clearly not really reading my profile - just seeing blonde and boobs. I can't remember how many dudes with kids contacted me after I was very clear I wouldn't date someone who had germbags.
I think I commented on your recent post about it that I had lots of fun while I was dating online. But I get you being totally over it - I can't imagine doing it again. You're right that it will happen if/when it's supposed to.
Of course, I can't imagine ever dating again, but that's just me.
Yes! The men who just saw my pictures and the chest tattoo and it was obvious they were all excited to talk to the "freaky lady." Jeebus cripes! Do people never grow up?
ReplyDeleteSome people? Never.
ReplyDeleteI'm a forever kid, but in a good way. :)
ReplyDelete