Most days I know how good I am at being single. How independent I am and how okay it is to wait for the right person, rather than settle on an okay person. But today is one of those days where I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. And today I don't like it.
I miss having someone coming home to a note on the door that says, "Follow the notes to the bathtub" where I've left a six pack of his favorite beer on ice, and some of his favorite bands playing on a mix cd I've made. Then when he calls up, "Honey, I'm lonely up here!" I go up and read him stories from Little Little Golden Books and we laugh.
I miss someone coming over to my house, looking like they've had a rough day, and being able to say, "Lay down babe. Let me give you a massage and then we'll make you something awesome for dinner."
I miss snuggling and watching horrible/good/bad/funny movies.
I miss walking in to a room where someone has just woke up, putting on the iHome and doing dances while saying, "You know you want to get up and join this awesome dance party mister!"
I miss laying in bed all day putting off the cleaning/worrying/cooking/anything in life that feels pressing, until I can't stand it anymore and I have to get up 'cause it's been so long since we've had food, we're dying of hunger.
I miss looking in to someone's eyes and feeling like they love me so much it hurts them to be away from me.
I miss that connection you have with someone that is so real and completely untarnished that every moment with them feels like this is exactly where you should be.
I miss pretty much everything that there is when a romantic relationship is really good. I haven't had it in quite some time, and I'm hoping to have it again some time in the future.
Okay, I have to stop now as I'm tearing up and feeling sorry for myself, and I most certainly don't want to go there. It is days like today that I am reminded why I spent all those years drinking and drugging. Feeling like this is totally a suckfest. I never had to feel like this back then, 'cause I never really felt anything at all. I know this is better. But today, right now, it doesn't feel all that much like it is.
Sad picture of the day (I just couldn't post a happy one) is from PostSecret. It made me so sad that there is an older person out there that feels like they have to hide ANYTHING. I hope to always feel like I can just express the truth that I'm feeling at the moment, like I'm doing in this post, without feeling so ashamed that I don't post/say it.
It may be too late, but to lighten this up a bit I just saw the Samuel L. Jackson iPhone 4S commercial. Every time it's on I really wish he'd ask, "Siri, how we gonna get these mothafuckin' snakes off this mothafuckin' plane?" A close second would be if he asked her where Big Kahuna Burger is.