It's one of my least favorite things to do. I know it's cliche and stupid because really, does anyone like the act of having to go out and sell themselves as the best man for the job? No. I realize I am blessed in that I am able to do this while gainfully employed. I am not having to do this because I am out of work. I am having to do this because after numerous ridiculous things happening in my current work environment, including being thrown under the bus for things that were not my responsibility, I've finally reached my limit.
Getting a new job will in no way hinder my quest for upward mobility in my agency. If it would I would just buckle down and bear it. But as things stand, I have to take my own advice and stop complaining about the problem, and be proactive in solving it. So that's what I'm doing.
I have applied for three jobs in the past month, and will continue to check vacancies and apply to jobs that seem to suit my needs. I am being very careful to apply to positions where I know the person who will be my new supervisor, or have a contact in that division who can tell me the scoop about the person who will be my new supervisor.
You see, to me, having a good supervisor has always been the key to my job satisfaction. If I have a supportive individual who communicates openly and has my back, I thrive. If I have a negative person who acts in ways I find unprofessional, I struggle. No matter how easy something should be to pick up, I will always take far longer to get things when I'm working for someone I don't like. It's just the way my head works. I had the same problem in school: loved the teacher, got an A no matter how hard the subject, and vice versa.
I am of the belief that while you are never going to be in a space at work where you like everyone, you should surely strive to be in a space where you feel valued and appreciated. If not, you are spending the majority of your waking hours in a negative environment. At best, you are relieved when you get to go home each day. At worst, you carry your anger or sadness home to your loved ones and complain and then make their evening miserable to match the day you had. I do not want to be that person, and I see it starting to happen.
So after today and suffering the last straw with a comment made that it was really hard for me to just respond with a, "Let me figure it out and get back to you on that," I am over it. I will do whatever it takes to get out of here and get in to a position where I can be more myself. Where I can concentrate on one or two tasks and within a year be a subject matter expert. Where I can schedule a meeting with my supervisor to discuss projects and ask if I'm on the right track, and not get pushed to the side, then blamed when my tasks veered off the track that was preferred. Where doing the best I can, is acceptable when I have no one to turn to for guidance.
I spent years in situations where I was made to feel less than. A lot of the time I didn't like myself so I felt like it was what I deserved and stayed there. Stayed in relationships where I was not treated as the amazing individual that I am. I will not just walk out on a job, even though at times I really want to. But I will make sure that this level of extreme dissatisfaction with where I'm at is a temporary thing. A stepping stone to get me on to bigger and better things. Wish me luck y'all. Momma's movin' on up...to the east side...to a deeeeluxe apartment...in the sky high high!
Happy picture of the day: this came in the mail the other day. It's a great addition to my ridiculous collection.