Thursday, September 6, 2012
So Let's Just Get It All Out In The Open
As soon as people hear polyamory, they immediately think: but what do you do to make sure you're safe while having sex with all of those people? And it's a legitimate question. You are having sex with two, three, sometimes four partners. They are having sex with the same. It's kind of daunting to a newbie like myself. So one of the first questions I asked was how often do folks get tested, and what are the rules of safe sex. Not that it's all about sex mind you, but it is a part of the larger relationship dynamic, just as in any romantic relationship.
The best thing about the poly world is there is no such thing as an overshare. You have to be very vocal about rules and boundaries from the very beginning. Once you start seeing someone, you have to meet the other folks they are dating. Wives or primaries need to give a nod to make sure they think you are going to be a good addition to their group. Some primaries have veto power. Some people have decided veto power is no longer an issue and they trust the judgment of their mates. It's all up to the people and what they are comfortable with.
As for the sex thing: my group is only fluid bonded with their primary partners. All other sex is had with condoms. Some people even do oral with condoms. My small group does not. Thank goodness. Blow jobs with condoms feel like I'm chewing on garbage. But we all know I have issues. :)
This is the ONLY time I will be so blunt about sex. I rarely talk about it in the blog. So if you have any questions, this post would be the time to ask them. Also, feel free to message me via email and ask anything you like. I'm an open book, but I think some things should be private and left in the bedroom. Not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed, it's just that's one aspect in my life I like to stay between myself and the people I'm intimate with.
I had my first panel of STD tests, including HIV this last Saturday. It had been about two years since my last round of tests. When I got back the all clear I kind of did a little dance. It's always exciting to find out you are disease free, no matter how safe you always are. You can never be sure. Condoms break. Things fall off. Accidents are bound to occur. So getting the thumbs up from the hospital is always a nice thing. And I would encourage everyone, even my married friends, to get tested every so often. It can't hurt, right?
As I have stated before I am a huge fan of the openness and honesty this lifestyle encourages. I am fascinated every time I learn something new, and every time I see someone talk about their husband going out with someone else and having a good time with a complete lack of jealousy in their voice. It's totally refreshing. I sit and wonder why I dug my heels in to monogamy for so long. Probably because it had been so beaten in to my head that that was the way to be. I am glad I opened myself up to this. I kind of feel like I am home.
Tonight I have my first date with both of my fellas at the same time. I'm nervous and excited, and it'll be strange to be able to hang out with two people at the same time, both of whom I care about and who care about me. It will be foreign to be sure, but I don't foresee it being uncomfortable or strange. I feel like a kid in a candy store. Both of my boys in my house at the same time? Getting to laugh and make jokes and interact with both of them? Sounds like a good time to me. I really adore my alone time with them, but it'll be nice to get to hang out together as well.
Happy picture of the day: this magnet makes me smile every time I see it. It's on my homo husband's fridge.