This gave me a grand idea to become a gazillionaire! I am going to start a business whereby I get paid copious amounts of money to silence babbly and loud family members, neighbors, loved ones, etc. You pay me 500 dollars and I will shut up anyone, within minutes. Sometimes within seconds. I'm that good. You know you all have at least five people in mind you want to hire me for. I have a skill you don't. Spread the word. Mama needs a new pair of shoes! Actually, I just need to buy a lot of geeky stuff that has zero use, put in a lap pool, and a backyard pizza oven. And pretty much remodel my whole home.
I would like to thank my button popping off, and all of the loud mouth assholes in the world who need to shut it, for the inspiration.
That shit works, yo!
You are a true humanitarian. It's a service we all definitely need at some point. I can think of at least a dozen people I could use you on.
ReplyDeleteI'm doin' the lord's work.
DeleteYour backyard totally needs the lap pool and pizza oven. And a chicken coop (I thought of that myself). But the inside of your house is pretty great how it is.
ReplyDeleteI could use some new couches and stuff. Mine are all lumpy and falling apart.
DeleteI'm still waiting on my pizza oven... The Husband and I have huge plans for it- pizzas are going to be flying out of that bitch one day real soon.
ReplyDeleteWhy, didn't I ever think of stapling my shirt shut? My breasticles have popped many a button and I can't sew for shit! That is a brilliant idea. Totally doing that next time.
Um, next month I have to go to a wedding where I could really use your services, but there are so many loud mouths that are going to be there I don't think I could afford it!! LOL
Awesome! One of my friends split her pants at work awhile back and used duct tape to close it up. I think butt staples would have sucked.
ReplyDeleteCan you call my parents? Whatever they say, just shut them up. That would be worth way more than $500 to me. :)