Kismet

Last month I was completely broke for two weeks. During that two weeks people brought me food, gave me gas money, and bought me drinks. I was taken care of. And I know it's because when I have it to give, I do.

I have been thinking a lot about doing good deeds and how the universe will give back to you. And even though I am 100% smartass with a really inappropriate sense of humor, my heart is in a good place. I fully believe were that not the case, the last two weeks before payday would've been miserable.

This morning on the way to work there was an old guy in a wheelchair moving very slowly. He came to a cross walk and couldn't make it up the incline of the street. Without thinking I threw down the cigarette I was smoking and ran to him, turning around to push him across. The light turned green as I was doing this and I looked at the cars full of people who couldn't be bothered to help this man as if to say, "You are all fuckers and you WILL let us cross against this green." They did. I got him across and made sure he was good. As I waited to go back across the street at the next light a lady who had seen what I'd done said, "What you just did was sweet."

I wish less people would comment about how sweet someone else is being, and do the kind act themselves. The world would be a better place. And I know for certain it is my acting without thought and constantly doing such things, that make it so when I need help, I receive it without asking.

Happy picture of the day: I'm really glad I made peace with my mother and we now have a relationship, so we can share texts like this. I love my mom, and I miss my gma every day.

Random Nonsense

I am pretty sure that the fact I just helped save a baby hummingbird who was stunned from flying in to a window, will insure that I get the job I am applying for.

I am really tired of the media only mentioning a dog's breed in an attack or cop shooting if it's a pit bull. The generic term "a dog" is used in almost all other instances.

I am grateful that I am built bottom heavy, instead of top heavy. I fear were it the other way around, people may pour candy coating or caramel on me, and try to take a bite.

If all of my posts on Facebook said, "Unless you are an omnivore who practices polyamory, you are a total idiot," it would be stupid. Almost as stupid as people posting you can't love animals if you eat meat.

I will not be hosting any further couchsurfers who do not have a history of at least a year on the site, with all good references. My only two negative experiences were me trying to give the new person a shot to build up good references. Umm, my bad.

I am considering spending a whole day only talking in quotes or song lyrics, to show people how many cool song lyrics and quotes I know. 'Cause only spewing other people's thoughts really proves your intelligence I find.

I sometimes think if I don't stop doing good deeds I may wake up one day permanently smelling of pachouli. As I do not like pachouli, I vow to stop doing good deeds immediately, just in case.

I have been having weird dreams that Deja is a different breed of dog and can talk. I am pretty sure I've gotten too attached to my dog.

I have diffused a ton of dramatic and almost violent situations in the past few months. I think that means the one time I threatened to cut a lady's face open with her wine glass gets a pass.

I am wearing the stapled shirt again today. I may have been too lazy to sew the button back on, but it does have a fresh staple, so that's something.

I miss Oakland boyfriend. I haven't seen him since the 14th. I am glad I get to see him in a week.

Our communications unit sends out daily emails with links to relevent education stories. Every day there are at least two broken links, and sometimes they leave the lyris password visible in a 16 font. I thought of writing them to tell them to proofread better, but then I realized it's not my job to fix their job. I think I've officially become a state worker.

Friends are posting pictures of their New York trip, and it makes me really sad I can't afford to go this year for my birthday. Some day I'll be a real life adult with a savings. Better yet, maybe I'll win the lotto. Note to self: start playing lotto.

Happy picture of the day: this makes me laugh...HARD.

Source

I'm Gonna Be Rich!!!

So today I lost the top button of my blouse. I asked a few folks if they had a safety pin, and no one did, so I went ahead and stapled the top of my shirt closed. I am inventive and shit. Anywho, about an hour later a co-worker came up to ask some questions about a budget I'm putting together for a visiting educator. She stopped mid-sentence and asked, "Is that a staple in your blouse?" I simply responded, "Nope" then just stared at her blankly. She completely lost her train of thought and was silent for quite some time, all from one word I uttered.

This gave me a grand idea to become a gazillionaire! I am going to start a business whereby I get paid copious amounts of money to silence babbly and loud family members, neighbors, loved ones, etc. You pay me 500 dollars and I will shut up anyone, within minutes. Sometimes within seconds. I'm that good. You know you all have at least five people in mind you want to hire me for. I have a skill you don't. Spread the word. Mama needs a new pair of shoes! Actually, I just need to buy a lot of geeky stuff that has zero use, put in a lap pool, and a backyard pizza oven. And pretty much remodel my whole home.

I would like to thank my button popping off, and all of the loud mouth assholes in the world who need to shut it, for the inspiration.

That shit works, yo!

Being Truly Powerful

It is something I think about often. I think back to when I didn't like myself so much, and I thought power meant being able to manipulate others and put them under your thumb. I felt like I was so awesome because if you tried to belittle me, I could come back twelve times harder with my wit and snark and make you feel so small you almost disppeared. I thought it was funny when I could make a friend or lover do whatever I wanted. I am so glad those days are over.

To me, true power is knowing that you have the ability to exert your influence over others, and making sure that you never do. Now, I'm not saying not to exert any power. I like to exert the power of laughter, and light-heartedness, and to carry on a smile. I think that is the right kind of power to exert over others. If you are feeling blue, and I can make you smile, I feel powerful. If I can make you belly laugh, I feel like a god. And I'm okay with feeling powerful in this way.

I am glad that instead of hating those I see who think they have to belittle others, that I feel empathy for them. It is a miserable place to be. No amount of putting others down builds you up. And no amount of denial makes you truly believe that is happening. Hard work and learning to love yourself unconditionally is the only path to true happiness. Most people will never know such happiness.

I am thankful to all of the folks who help me along my journey. I am thankful to myself for getting out of the rut it would've been so easy to get stuck in. I am grateful for daily mindful meditation, and constant reminders that I am painfully flawed, and that's ok. As long as I acknowledge my wrongdoings I can learn from them.

My next post will be a silly one, I promise!

Happy picture of the day: you have no idea how happy it makes me that I have a gay friend named Jesus.

June Movies

I realize I'm behind a few days posting this, but who cares, right?

Holy Motors - One of the weirdest movies I've ever seen, which is saying a lot. Totally worth a view. I was tired so I fell asleep for about 20 minutes of it. I didn't fall asleep 'cause it was bad, I was just all cuddled up with my honey and comfy. Watch it folks!

Now Is Good - A movie about a teenager trying to do as much as she can before she dies. I usually don't like Dakota Fanning but I really liked her in this. A good watch.

End of Watch - I liked this way more than I thought I would. The camera shots are dizzying but they make sense. A good action-packed film.

Zero Dark Thirty - I like Kathryn Bigelow's directing far better than her husband's. Depressing at times but very well acted.

Contagion - I could truly take or leave this one. It was entertaining enough, but I wouldn't watch it again.

Rust And Bone - THIS. JUST THIS. Very powerful. Gut wrenching. I was enthralled the entire movie through. I love this movie.

25th Hour - I have no idea how I'd never seen this. A Spike Lee movie with Edward Norton? Yes, please. I am used to Spike's jumping around timewise, and things happening that you find out are actually a dream, so it was easy for me to follow. I even called out to my boyfriend at one point, "Umm, this is a dream part. This totally isn't really happening." I was right.

World War Z - At first I thought the camera shots were going to make me throw up, but I came to understand why they did it that way. I haven't jumped this many times during a film in a very long time, so just for that point I loved this movie. Brad Pitt didn't even annoy me, and that's saying a lot. It was a really fun movie. I even paid to see it in the theater, which I never do.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - I think I went in to this one with too high of expectations as I had heard good things plus it has Ewan McGregor in it, who I believe can do no wrong. Quite slow at parts, and the story itself was kind of out there. But I got in to it and liked it a little toward the end. If you skip this one, no one would blame you for it.

Happy picture of the day: support mom and pop shops. That is all.