Oh, not by choice mind you, but because I don't sleep hardly at all. If I'm lucky I will get six hours. On these nights I feel like a champ when I wake up. I'm all kinds of energetic and ready to face the day. Otherwise I fight the whole day trying not to let my inner grump escape and infect those around me.
You see, my brain is constantly moving at the speed of light. I am trying to figure out the best way to come up with a budget based on a pay stub. I need to remember what I'm making for dinner tonight. I need to figure out if my budget will allow for me to buy a pizza this weekend. All of these things that most people think about when they happen, my brain is constantly circling trying to get everything out of the way RIGHT NOW.
I can not fall asleep unless it's in front of a television. Then I stumble in to bed and tuck myself in and sleep as long as I can. I have tried everything. Melatonin worked for about two months. Meditating no longer helps. I refuse to go on any prescription sleep meds, because some of my friends are on them and the stories they tell frighten me. Also, the last thing I need is to become dependent on another substance.
Last night I slept from 9-1, then from 4-6. That's 6 hours! Yeah, but sleeping in shifts, as I do a lot of the time, doesn't feel like six hours of sleep. It tends to feel like whatever last stretch you got, is all the sleep you got. And yes, I have also tried no naps and no caffeine. Didn't help. So I sleep whenever I can. If that means a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day on the weekend, so be it. Because not napping never insures a full night's rest, I get sleep wherever the heck I can. What's the most lovely about all this is that not sleeping, causes me anxiety about not sleeping, which then leads to even less sleeping. Awesome, right? Umm, not so much.
I really wish I could have a job where I worked full time, but on my own schedule. Having to do an 8-5 is not the best thing for everyone. I wish our society had alternate shifts available for folks like me. I am of the belief that having to live life by an alarm clock, instead of your body's natural rhythms, isn't good for you. I think if I could get up at 1 am and get some work done 'til I was tired, then go back to sleep, my life would be a happier place. Could you imagine if you never had to groggily crawl out of bed feeling totally unrested, and get ready for work? Life would be grand. So although I know that will never happen, I can still sit in wonder and dream of a life where I actually got enough sleep.
This weekend I didn't even get good sleep Friday and Saturday night, which are usually the nights I sleep better, 'cause I'm not stressed that I have to get to sleep to not be a total crankyface at work the next day. It was still a good weekend, but I can't say I'm not going to sit here all day counting the hours 'til I can be home in my pj's. I foresee an 8 pm bedtime in my future. I hella party.
Happy picture of the day: my friend's wedding cake. Her sister made it and it was accompanied by a ton of cupcakes. It made me laugh.