I am a people watcher. I watch folks' interactions, their body language, and their facial expressions. Interpersonal interaction and human behavior has always fascinated me. I have always been one to say things like, "Ooohh, that right there is a first date that is NOT going well" or "That guy doesn't like himself at all. Steer clear." I'm good at recognizing it when I'm removed. However, when I'm involved in that personal interaction, I kind of suck at it, and I know why. It's because I ignore all of the signs that I notice for others, when it comes to looking out for myself, to an extent. I've come a long way but there's still a small sick part of me that doesn't think I deserve to be treated well. I seek out unhealthy relationships sometimes. Not lately, but sometimes I get a glimpse of it and it scares me.
No matter how good you think you are at being dishonest, someone like me can always tell by your body language, but mostly by your facial expressions, when you are being insincere. I can talk with someone and within a half hour I can tell you way too much about them. I can read people like a book. And sometimes, I don't like it. Sometimes when Rich is telling a little white lie like, "I was going to call you to wish you a happy sobriety birthday later," I wish I didn't know he was lying. I sometimes call people on it and say, "Please don't lie. Just say you forgot, apologize, and let's move on." But often times I find myself just letting it go. Letting the person think they've gotten away with something; that they've fooled me. Because sometimes, just sometimes, it's okay to not let someone know you're on to them, so that they can be comfortable in a situation.
When I was researching this topic I came across this, and I think it is brilliant: Face Time With Sharon. It's a whole blog of this woman making different faces and talking about them. I haven't even scratched the surface, but I am mighty impressed. What a great idea!
I for one don't care if my face "betrays" me because I am an honest person with nothing to hide. If you say something and I make a fooch face (thank you Marcella for letting me steal this awesome term) it is because I don't agree with what you are saying. And I don't care if you know I am disagreeing with what you are saying. I have an EXTREMELY expressive face. My eyebrows raise and lower independently of one another and I can make some really strange expressions. I like this about myself. I am okay with my face twisting in to a, "Oooh, did you really just say that out loud?" face. I am okay with making a disapproving look while you are talking about the umpteenth time you have yelled at your boyfriend. I have no problem with people knowing how I really feel about something. But most people do. To those people I just have to say, "Dude, you're not fooling anyone. Just be yourself. Tell the truth and when you have to lie to save someone's feelings, do so with grace and dignity." There is no one on earth that would rather hear, "Oh, I was going to do _________ after I ________" than, "Oh shit I totally forgot. I'm sorry. What was it you needed me to do again?"
I leave you with a song I haven't been able to get out of my head lately, and a picture of me making a, "I am scared you just said that out loud" face. It ain't pretty, but it is amusing.(Look at the eyebrow! How does it even get up that high?)
Murdery City Devils - 18 Wheels