Dating

I was going to talk mostly about how hard dating has been since I got sober but then decided that dating is fucking hard no matter what, so why narrow it down? Being sober does enter in to the story, but I think this is a story that some people can relate to, and it may bring hope to some single folks out there.

I am really lucky to have been with some amazing guys in my lifetime. One was a drummer in a punk band. He was my first love. One was a kid who sold ecstacy and spun trance records. He was just an all around handsome and amazing guy. One worked at Ralph’s stocking all night, and I would run him a bath and have it ready for him when he came home in the morning. The one before this one was a burly biker dude who was ten years older and pretty gruff. I can honestly say I don’t really have a type. If you seem genuine and nice, and you can handle my strong personality and off kilter sense of humor, I’ll give it a go.

That being said, I took the rule of being single a year after getting sober very seriously. I wanted to work on and get to know myself. My goals were so vast that a man didn’t really have a place in there. At about my 1 ½ year mark I started to think I was ready to date again. I realized that not having bars to use as a market for this, I was going to have a problem. So I started some profiles on dating sites.

I got the guy who hit on my friend right in front of me while we were out, the dude whose baby mama would call in the middle of our dates on purpose and he would answer, and the oh so lovely guy who used to be hot so used a 15 year old 30 pounds ago picture. I honestly walked in to where we were meeting and looked around ‘cause I couldn’t find the nice gentleman I’d been talking to several weeks via email and text. I tried to keep an open mind but all I could think was, “If I had come in here 30 pounds heavier, with gray hair when in my profile pic it was black, this dude would be having a tizzy fit.” Needless to say after a few months off and on of internet dating, I was ready to give up.

Flash forward to a few months ago. I was at KVIE which is our local public broadcasting station waiting to work the phone banks for an art auction. I was wearing some loose yoga pants, toms shoes, and frumpy t shirt. A fellow came over and complimented me on my messenger bag, and we got to talking. So the few hours we answered phones I checked him out and thought, “Wow, he just seems like a sincerely nice guy. There aren’t that many of those out there.” I planned on giving him my number as we walked out together, but he had other plans. He was staying to work another shift. I usually would’ve let it go at that. I would’ve done the, “The universe didn’t mean for us to get together” bullshit and carried on, but something wouldn’t let me. So I contacted my friend who runs the art program at the station and asked her for the guy’s contact info. I told her, “I know it might be inappropriate, but could you please???” and I sent the guy an email. In the email I apologized for the strange way in which I got his info, told him he seemed nice and asked if he’d like to get together some time. I ended the email with, “I promise, I’m not outside watching you from your bushes.” Not funny? To me it was hilarious.
He called back and we started hanging out. Our first date was at my house where I made us a delicious caramelized onion and baby bella pizza, and a salad. To make a long story short we’ve been together ever since.

You know how you make those, “I don’t want to date someone who…” lists? He matches several entries on that list, and I’m really glad I let the list go and took a chance. He is amazing. He accepts me 100% for who I am. He forgives my extreme control in the kitchen when he tries to come help stir the breakfast potatoes and it makes me want to cut off his hand. I am working on it. I even let him make the potatoes once. He is the first person I’ve allowed to cook in the kitchen in my house, and I bought it over a year ago. He leaves me adorable voicemails, sends me texts about how amazing I am, and is the first person in over a decade who makes me want to be a truly better person. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. He actually likes that I do silly dances walking up to him while I make up nonsense songs. He even has made a silly dance of his own, which I am pretty sure did not exist before he met me. We’re rubbing off on each other, in a good way. He wants kids so somewhere down the line when he decides he’s finally ready, we’re going to have to part, because I don’t want kids. But you know what? I’m going to enjoy what we have for now and continue to be the best girlfriend I can be, until that is no longer an option. He is 30 and I am 37. So he also lets me feel like a cougar. I know I'm not quite old enough to be a cougar. I'm more like a cougar in training.

He is in Michigan with his family right now and I miss him something awful. He took this while his father was peeking over his shoulder when he was trying to send me a lovey dovey email.

He had apparently snuck this cheeseball one that is my favorite, in earlier. And yes, he did say I could put these on the blog. What 30 year old man would let me put these on my blog? A near perfect one.