Ring In The New Year

No serious posts on new year's day. Happy new year everyone! For today's post I decided I shall do a year in review. A year in review of some of the ridiculous things that have come out of my mouth. The xmas tree comes down today. I always have a real tree. It's going to be sad to take all the ornaments off and wait 'til next year to do it all over again. Now, on with the ridiculousness! These are actual things I have said out loud or sent in emails over the last year. And it's merely the tip of the iceburg. I say 100 dumb/silly things a day.

"These shoes are killing me. They're like little iron maidens, but without the great music."

"You have a gun at your house, I have a ninja sword. I figure I should carry the nerdy all the way through to defending myself in case of a break in."

A friend and I were talking about people not being able to properly pronounce words. He said, "And if you don't know, you don't axe somebody." To which I replied, "Unless you really don't like them."

Someone was singing The Gambler and I interrupted at the "know when to run" part to say, "I know when to run. I'm just lazy so I rarely follow through with it."

Back when I had Facebook I had "liked" The Cramps fan page. It said "Cramps, the band." I asked my friend, "Is that really necessary to specify? Is there like a whole crew of people who like cramps, the pain?"

Someone called me on jumping to a conclusion and I told them I jumped to conclusions so often I should be in much better shape.

One day it was raining really hard and my friend said it was smacking him in the face. I told him, "You just look at that rain and tell it to stop being the Chris Brown of weather."

"I want to meet the interventionist who specializes in addictions to the show Intervention. If and when I meet them will I automatically be catapulted in to the fourth dimension of addictive behavior?"

A friend was talking about coming at people with a weapon and thought I should start doing that with my Star Trek pizza cutter. I can't think of a better way to threaten someone with a sharp object, while simultaneously looking so non-threatening it's ridiculous. "I will USS Enterprise you in to many small pieces! Many!"

I'm gonna miss you tree!

I am going to hate wrapping you up and putting you in a box, favorite xmas ornament.