I have been asking my doctor for a tubal ligation since I was 20. They said once I had a child or was 30 they'd consider it. Well, I went back on my 30th birthday and they still wouldn't do it. This made me very angry. I mean, if I wanted 10 abortions they'd do that, but for me to responsibly choose not to birth children, why, that's just insane! I honestly think they wished I'd change my mind. Another person to put money in to the healthcare system would be keen. Plus, I couldn't possibly know what's best for my own body right? I also have polycystic ovaries. I've been told I have to stay on the pill so they won't grow and cause issue. So when they agreed finally, this year to do my tubes, I said, "Should we just remove my ovaries instead? Once I go off the pill in three months will I not have issue?" No straight answer. Why do one procedure when I can come back and pay for two? But I could go on and on about our health care system. I pleaded for years, and they finally listened. I even talked about how I have terminated a pregnancy, and they still didn't care. That was the hardest decision I've ever made and to this day sometimes I see a kid who's the age mine would be now, and I cry. Anyone who thinks those of us who have had an abortion are irresponsible and do it without a care in the world, are morons. It's a hard decision that affects the rest of your life. I'm living with and doing okay with it. But it's been over 9 years, and it still comes in to my mind every so often.
I opted for the Essure procedure. In a nutshell they go in vaginally and insert metal coils in to my fallopian tubes. Scar tissue grows around those coils causing blockage. I then go back in three months for an ink test to make sure the tubes are fully blocked, and then I can go off the pill. It is far less invasive than actually going in and tying the tubes, and I've done a ton of research on the possible complications. Six months of research before I would make the appointment in fact. So Rich is coming to take me in an hour or so. Wish me luck everyone. I have only taken one break from the pill since I was 17, and I look forward to getting off the things. With all of my issues the last thing I need is fake hormones coarsing through my veins. I should be crampy and cranky for a little while. Right now I have to go take a naproxen, an 800 mg ibuprofen, and a vicodin. That's a lot of pills! Tomorrow night I'm having a no baby shower. A group of ladies is coming over to help me celebrate my infertility. Women get baby showers, I thought I had the right to celebrate that I won't be having any babies. I'm looking forward to a potluck with some of my gal pals. I told them no gifts, just potluck items and their beautiful faces. Wish me luck y'all. I'm starting to get a little nervous.
Happy picture of the day: my Joan Jett by Shepard Fairey. I love me some Joan Jett. When this came up at a show in a gallery a friend was curating, she called me and said, "You need to get down here, I'm holding something for you in case you want it. People are asking about it so hurry." I did, and she was right, I fell in love immediately.
I terminated a pregnancy when I was 21 and it was the right and responsible thing to do but like you mentioned I think about it from time to time...just the other day I was driving and it dawned on me that had I not terminated the pregnancy, I would have a 16 yr old child right now---a kid old enough to drive!
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely the right thing for me to do as well. I was very deep inside my alcoholism at that point. In fact, I took a shot before I took the test, then went out and got drunk when I found out I was pregnant. If I'd have tried to keep it and give it up for adoption, I'm sure I would've had a baby with fetal alcohol system. That baby was better off not being born. But the day my nephew was born I wept uncontrollably. It would've been a few months after my baby was born. And holding an infant was so hard. It was quite a while before I could hold a baby again.
ReplyDeleteI think that is a very mature decision for you to make at 12?! The world is very populated and there millions of children that need homes. That's great if you're strong enough to go that route.
ReplyDeleteAlcholism is another tough rode to go down. I've never been there, but I've pulled someone out. It's rough and I admire your stregnth in fixing it.
I wasn't exactly your average 12 year old. By age 12 I had rejected my catholic upbringing. My favorite book was The Grapes of Wrath and I was obsessed with serial killers. The human condition was of great interest to me. Not exactly your every day 12 year old past times to be sure.
ReplyDeleteI just got done meeting with my sponsor. The alcoholism thing is a road I went down hard. And I'm watching a friend go through it with her dad. I think if you can come out the other side the wiser for it, it's definitely a character builder.