Yes, That Is A Pig Above Your Head Soaring Through The Clouds

So I finally gave in to some friends and have a new Facebook account. I figure if I keep my friend count low and check it once a day, the drama will be kept to a minimum. But I do know this: if at any time it starts being less than fun I will delete my account again and never look back. Hell, I lasted a good three years I think without one.

I am really not a fan of social networking, but I get the draw of it. It's kind of like having a really unpopular blog *points to self* but on a much larger scale. You can see what friends and family are up to. You can remember birthdays. You can see when your friend Patrick is having a show. You can make your friends Lauren and Josh laugh (you are welcome guys). You can keep in better contact with your homo husband that you don't get to see nearly enough.

So I am not telling my family or many of my acquaintances I have one. I added who I want to add and will accept friend requests very choosily. I am hoping to get to laugh a lot as just being back active the two days has already cracked me up more than once. One of my friends posted, "Don Draper might be a horrible person but at least he has the decency to punch a minister." I live for that kind of ridiculous and offensive stuff!

Anyways, wish me luck in to my new foray in to the darkness. Hopefully, Facebook will die before I have a chance to want to kill it again.

Happy picture of the day: I won't say where Alfred's other hand was, I will however, say that he did the singular of geese me. Also, if a bunch of people goose you at once, is it okay to yell out, "Well good god y'all, I just done got geesed!" 'Cause I think that should start happening immediately.

So Much Fun

Man, I have to say that these past few weeks have been awesome. I am more in love with Sean than ever, Dave and I are doing really well, and holy crap have I ever mentioned that I have the most amazing friends on the face of the planet? I know I have, but I just need to do it again.

This past week I got a ton done around the house. Had a HUGE branch fall off the tree in back so my brother came over to chainsaw it in to manageable pieces then we stacked it all on the side yard, and the branches went out front. I called the city and since it is a small enough pile I may not even have to pay for the extra pick up, which would be nice. I did however notice I have a wasp nest in that tree so I have to go to Home Depot to get some spray. Good lawd I hate wasps!

Friday I had a mellow evening, then Saturday Sean took me to a hair appointment and we were off to Oakland for a friend's bday. In the bay, pretty much all patios are dog friendly so we took Deja with us. She did really well until a lot of small dogs came around and then she started freaking out, so towards the end we had to put her back in the car, which was fine because the weather was cool on the water. But she didn't have to head back before a baby came up to say hello, and Deja stole the sandwich right out of the baby's hand. Thank goodness those parents, as I apologized profusely, had a good sense of humor about it. We had a delicious lunch at Bocanova then drinks at Heinold's First and Last Chance Saloon. The place has been there since 1880 and leans like crazy from the 1906 earthquake. I only walked in once because it was really small and if there are more than five people in there it's crowded. It's about as big as a walk in closet.

We came back Saturday night and went straight to my friend Patrick's where they were having a Surf N Turf party. Playing music and watching the super moon. It was actually pretty spectacular. Then we decided against me making us dinner and we had shitty fast food and went to play pool. Saturday was a great day.

Sunday I scrubbed down the kitchen and bathrooms, then snuggled with the dog all day watching tv and movies. Tonight I plan on vacuuming, then I'll dust Tuesday. I'm trying to do a little every day since I'll be back in Oakland this coming weekend staying with Dave.

Friday night Sean and I are going to this new cheese focused restaurant, then going to see World War Z at the drive-in. On the bright side, after eating all that cheese we'll both be stopped up and will not have to poop at said drive-in. Go us! Saturday I'm taking Deja to Dave's, then we take Bart in to SF to wander around and have dinner. I feel like a wind up toy. I'm really grateful for the lazy Sunday I just got to have.

Man, life is good. Except for crazy thunderous sounds as a huge tree branch falls. All I cared about was making sure my animals were in the house and safe. If they'd have been out there when it happened, they would no longer be with us. Now, to take care of those pesky wasps. I hope everyone out there is doing well. It's sprinkling here today, which is really strange as it's usually in the mid 90s this time of year in Sacramento. I'm grateful for the cool weather and sprinkles.

Happy picture of the day: There is a guy named Conrad who builds these crazy trikes. He was at Patrick's for the party and I really wanted a ride on this thing.

Melanie's Truths

FACT: Whenever someone compliments my dog and I say, "Thank you" I feel weird. I didn't make the dog that cute. But I like to think I have a polite dog and if she could talk, she would say thank you herself.

FACT: Do your make-up, hair, teeth brushing before you get to work. No one wants to have to try and get around you to wash their hands, 'cause all of your toiletries are spread about. And don't tell me you don't have time at home because you were getting the kids ready. My mom had four and she never left the house without her hair and make-up done. And don't get me started on the driving make-up appliers. Especially when they have children in the car.

FACT: Your child is not your friend. If they are acting out in a restaurant you don't have to try and reason with them. You tell them to cut it out or you're leaving. Have some respect for the people around you.

FACT: I saw a pug with a straw hat on the other day and now I'm seriously considering getting Deja a hat. It has begun.

FACT: When you work in an office, sweatpants are not okay. Not even on casual Friday. You are not on the couch eating Doritos.

FACT: If I am behind you at a concert and you are holding your phone up recording I am laughing my ass off at you, and you're lucky I don't grab it and throw it across the venue. What are you going to use that totally shitty video for? I have been known to tap someone on the shoulder and tell them I didn't pay to watch a band through a tiny screen, I paid to watch them live, so get the hell outta my way.

FACT: It is not okay to be going anything less than 5 miles over the speed limit in the fast lane. If you want to drive the speed limit move the hell over. And if you see a car approaching no matter what speed you are going, and you can get over, do it. Pay effing attention.

FACT: I will always laugh at any old school Wayan Brothers or Robert Townsend stuff. To this day I watch Hollywood Shuffle and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. And don't get me started about Men on Film. "I give this movie two snaps and a circle!"

FACT: I almost thought I made a mistake dating Sean when I found out he's never seen Friday. We must fix that immediately.

FACT: When you are waiting to get on an elevator, train, bus, or anything else, you always make sure everyone has exited before you try and get on. I'm about to start palming people in the head when they walk in before people have had the chance to get out.

FACT: Stand to the right on an escalator or moving sidewalk if you are standing still. Some of us are in a pretend hurry to get nowhere, and the left is for us to pass you.

FACT: If you have a sign at your campsite that says, "Absolutely no pit bulls" I will take my dog there anyways. Then I'll laugh at you when you ask what kind of dog I have and I answer, "A rescue mutt" and you allow me in saying how sweet and cute she is. Judging a dog by a breed is akin to racism as far as I'm concerned.

FACT: If and when I ever have to give Deja back, it is going to be really really difficult.

If you would have told me two months ago I'd be snuggling with a pit bull on my couch, I'd have laughed in your face.

There Is No Mountain

Last night I had this lovely, cute, and very friendly couple from Oregon stay with me. They were playing a show at a local coffee shop so I went and checked them out. Their name is There Is No Mountain and I fully and completely enjoyed their music and melodies. Their site is here: There Is No Mountain.

It's times like this that I am really glad I have opened my home to new people. You should check them out and buy some of their stuff if you like them. They seriously restored my faith in humanity, after my last couch surfing guest was less than stellar. They even took pics of my kitty and doggy to put on their Instagram as they are doing a series of pets they encounter on tour.

This is Matt and Kali, and they are welcome in my home any time.

Source

Sound The Alarm

I was talking with Kianwi this morning about how I set alerts on my iPhone for everything and she said she thought it was cute. I think it just reminds me that I may as well be an 80 year old suffering from Alzheimer's. I would probably forget to brush my teeth if I didn't have an alert for it. Okay, I don't really have an alert for brushing my teeth. It's such a habit I just do it right when I wake up and right before bed.

I do, however, set an alert to remind me to trim my nails. I HATE long fingernails. Once they approach the tips of my fingers, I start to freak out. I tell myself, "You need to cut those." Then I get home, and life happens, and I totally forget. Currently I have an alert set for 7 p.m. tonight that says, "Cut nails, water lawns, answer blog comments." I actually just had to look it up as I had forgotten the blog comment part since I wrote it in there a half hour ago. Seriously, my short term memory is for shit.

I set reminders to put my trash cans out, pack fruit for lunch, put yoga clothes in my work bag, hair and dental appointments, eyebrow appointments, etc. How did I even survive before I had all these reminders? Oh yeah, my house used to be a flurry of post it notes. I would find them randomly behind things months after they reminded me to pick up sunscreen at the store.

I need to start setting reminders for people's names. I am absolutely horrible remembering names. If I don't hang out with you or talk to you on a regular basis, odds are I have no idea what your name is. When people walk up so happy to see me with a "Hey Melanie! How are you?" I've given up being honest and asking, "What was your name again?" I just answer, "Super good, how are you?" and carry on. I don't find names all that important to put in to memory if you're not a regular part of my life. True story. So yeah, maybe I don't need to start setting reminders for that.

I finally started using my notes in my phone for grocery lists. For some reason I was hanging on to paper lists for dear life. I really like being able to pull a grocery list out of my pocket and look at it. I have no idea why. I'm like the old lady who refuses to believe she can use her ATM card everywhere, so she always has 300 dollars cash on her, and that's why thugs rob old ladies. If they robbed me, they'd get some change for pool and receipts, as well as a few credit cards that don't have much room on them.

So yeah, I know that reminders on a phone are a really great convenience and not a necessity, but I sure as hell am grateful for them.

Happy picture of the day: my friend Marcella and I last night out for a much needed girl night. I love that beezy.

May Movies

I must preface this post by saying if you have not seen the prancercise lady, and then from the video visited her website, stop immediately and go do so. Here's some help: Prancercise. You are welcome.

And now on to May movies!

Robot and Frank - Loved this! About a retired robber and his interactions with a robot his family buys him to help out around the house.

Silver Linings Playbook - I liked this one too. Then again, I kind of love Jennifer Lawrence way too much so I may have a skewed perspective.

Seven Psychopaths - A great ensemble cast and just an all around entertaining flick.

This Is 40 - A few good laughs. Not great, but Paul Rudd is another person I can watch in pretty much anything.

Poltergeist - One of my all time favorites and a movie I need to watch way more often.

The Comedy - This one came with great reviews but it bored me to tears. A bunch of overaged hipsters being annoying spending mommy's money. *yawn*

Three Stars - One of my food nerd documentaries. About chefs and restaurants with Michelin star ratings. If you aren't a food nerd, this will bore you.

The Intouchables - Probably the most perfect movie I've seen so far this year. Great acting, great cinematography. A must see.

The Central Park Five - A not very shocking documentary about young kids wrongly accused and imprisoned. What is shocking is this was racism at its finest...in 1989.

Happy picture of the day: I fell in love with these glasses last time I went to play pool. So hard, I kind of wish I had bad eye sight.

How Do I Still Have A Job?

I make VERY inappropriate jokes at work. But luckily I know who I can joke with so I never get in trouble. Yesterday I sent around a video of a Japanese game show where the punishment for a wrong answer was you getting hit in the face with sumo butt.

Two things from today.

Co-worker after emailing about the same thing for like an hour: "So I'm just going to go ahead and ask Chris and see what she thinks."
Me: "Is there a pool on when I'll stab you and you voted on today? You may win."


I walked by our deputy superintendent having a conversation. He was saying, "I have a sticky note on my computer from her. She is an activist and I'd rather talk to her. D'Artagnan is just pissed 'cause his stick isn't in the pot anymore."
Me: "No, D'Artagnan is pissed because his parents named him that and we're not in the Three Musketeers." I really wish I would have said, "....and he sucks at sword fighting." But hey, we can't get 'em all 100% can we.

Happy picture of the day: couch dog. Because I've officially given up trying. I figure if she's happy that's all that matters. Besides, that is a cheap ass couch. She's so effing cute I can hardly stand it.