Attraction

It's different for everyone. I have never been one to think that stereotypically "pretty" people were attractive. I'm not saying I don't find any hot stars attractive, 'cause I do. But generally it's because I have seen them be interesting during an interview, or heard that they still ride the bus, or they just seem like someone I'd want to be around. My number one star crush is Zach Galifianakis. Bet you didn't see that one coming. I have been in love with him since I saw the first Between Two Ferns. His standup kills me. And yes, I think he's adorable.

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I think pretty much everything that escapes his mouth is hilarious. I even watched the dreaded Jimmy Fallon show to see his piece on it. Not shockingly, it was hilarious. I wasn't so much a fan of his SNL appearances, but I get the distinct impression he wasn't either. He seemed to really not want to be there, and to be doing it for PR purposes.

I love Paul Rudd. I want to spend the day just hanging out with Paul Rudd, slappin' the bass, and doing 80s dances. Paul Rudd seems to be someone I'd like to spend some time with. Call me, Paul.



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Okay, that picture is totally cracking me up.

I also am madly in like with Ryan Gosling. Did you see the video of him breaking up a street fight? My man! Also, he apparently still rides the bus. I'm down with Ryan Gosling. No, I did not say I'd go down on Ryan Gosling. (Still, call me Ryan. We can probably work something out).



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But on to the real life men. It's kind of hard to describe. I like someone who carries themselves well. I like someone who has a great, if not slightly strange, sense of humor. I adore someone who compliments freely. I like honesty, and someone who you can just FEEL is a genuinely nice human being. Nice is pretty much the sexiest personality trait out there as far as I'm concerned. And if you can make me belly laugh, forget it, I'm yours.

My boyfriend has all those traits. He writes me cute notes that he can't wait to see me. He looks at me in ways that he doesn't have to say a word, and I know how much he adores me. He finds all of my personality weirdness charming. Believe me, I have a LOT of weird personality traits. He lets me cuddle him like a teddy bear when I need human contact. He plays with my hair and tickles my back. He is a genuinely good man. He doesn't care when we're kissing and I start licking his cheek or blowing as hard as I can in to his mouth. He lets me dance and sing made up songs about, "Ooooh, baby, you make me want to make you butternut squash soup and eat crusty bread. Then I want to eat some ice cream and kiss your mouth when I still have ice cream in mine!" Yeah, I don't make up good songs. (I MAKE UP GREAT SONGS!) The only thing that irks me about him is he is terribly naive, and has a lot to learn. But I'm willing to be patient because his naivety is a blessing to me in some ways. He hasn't been through the terrible stuff I have. He's been blessed with a pretty good family, and great life. I can't fault him for that. He may be no Ryan Gosling, but he's MY Rich for now. And my Rich is all I need at the moment. Love you babe! (He doesn't read this but I thought I'd throw that in there anyways).

Having Nothing To Prove

It really is a relaxing way to live. I spent so many years doing things so I could prove I was a worthy individual. That shit is tiring. It is much less tiring to actually work and be the person I want to be, without having anything to prove to anyone else. The only one I have to work hard for is that person in the mirror.

When I was in my 20s and early 30s I was promiscuous. I said to myself, "Men do it all the time. Why can't I?" But it wasn't about that really. It was about me subconsiously trying to prove I was attractive. Well, men don't have to find you attractive to sleep with you. And it is far more powerful to pick and choose who gets to share your bed, than to just sleep with people because you can. I dated quite a few men before Rich, and none of them got past junior high make out phase. I told him he would more than likely have to wait. He did, until the second date. I never said I'm not a hooch. Actually, I slept with him because he felt safe. I knew that he wasn't another one of these horrible dates. He was different. He was special. Four months later, I know that I made the right choice.

I used to fight a ton. After a few years I got a reputation and never had to fight again. They nicknamed me "mafia" and "beast." Because I wouldn't sit around talking shit for a half hour. If you made me angry I would just turn and break your nose. I may utter one sentence like, "If I were you I'd calm the fuck down." But I never raised my voice, and I never caused a scene. I just took care of things the way that I knew how back then. I was a bully. The last two fights I got in to I did not fight back, and it was the most powerful feeling ever. I hope to never have to fight again. Sometimes I feel it welling up and have to remove myself from a situation. I don't have to prove to anyone I can make them sorry for being an asshole.

In my friendships I don't have to go that extra mile to prove I'm a nice person. I know I am. That doesn't mean I have to put up with bad behavior from others, or that I am a bitch if I choose to not hang out with someone anymore. I used to put up with terrible things from "friends." I no longer do. And if someone wants to say I'm too harsh, I'm totally okay with that. I don't have to prove anything any longer. It is a nice place to be.

In my current relationship we have some strife over his seeming inability to keep his word and arrive on time. In past relationships I would've just told him to hit the road. It's my way, be on time, or the highway. But now I am proud of myself. I have said to him, "Let's find a solution that works for both of us. You can continue to work on time management, which I realize you are not going to fix over night, and I can not get pissed because you show up 45 minutes after you said you would." For now, that means him saying he'll be over "around" a certain time, then texting when he's on his way. Whereas before I had to assert my power in a relationship and tell someone they need to be a certain way, I am really trying hard not to be like that. We'll see what happens with this. It may end up not working out, but at least I'm giving it a shot, rather than running. There is a huge part of me that thinks because he has never been in an adult relationship, he's self sabotaging. I used to do it all the time out of fear. I see it a little bit in him, and it makes me want to work through it. He's worth it, and I'm glad I don't have to prove I'm right, by showing him the door.

I have been working really hard to avoid drama, and be the type of woman I can be proud of. There are days when I'm not that woman, but there are mostly days where I'm really happy how far I've come. It is far easier to have nothing to prove, than to constantly be trying to prove something. Reality usually hits, and you realize you've proven nothing, except that you're a moron for caring so much what others think.

Happy picture of the day: fresh flowers. I try to always keep them in the house, but it's an expensive habit. So realistically I have some about half the month. They really brighten up a room, and make me smile.

Slow But Steady

I am home today with tummy issues. Totally my fault as I have no gall bladder and I refuse to stop eating things like red sauce, garlic, onions, curry, sriracha, and pretty much everything else that makes food glorious.

I FINALLY got my new chandelier for the house. I have had what I will not so kindly refer to as "the boob" ceiling light since I bought the place, and it has been driving me insane. So I ordered a little artichoke light from Lamps Plus and I may even try to install it myself today. The old light looked like this: boob light. The new lamp looks like this: pretty light.

I have slowly but surely been upgrading stuff in the house that I don't care for. I want everything in the house the way I want it NOW. Realistically it will take at least five years to get the house where I want it to be. A ton of people passed the house by because it has huge trees in the front and back yard to take care of. Those were a selling point for me. They provide enough shade that I rarely have to use my a/c. Oh, the house also didn't come with that. You can not survive without a/c in Sacramento. So I installed a wall unit in the living room, and one in the bedroom. I was considering central but after talking to many people, I opted for the two units, which serve their purpose just fine.

When I was house hunting I wanted hardwood floors, central heat and air, and two bathrooms. After searching and seeing what was available in my price range, I ended up with two bathrooms. That's still a small miracle since I have a two bedroom. I did NOT want to share a bathroom with guests. I needed my own bathroom. This tax return on its way will cover my sprinkler system installation, and then in a few months I'll have the lawns re-seeded. I am doing everything on the tax refund system. Next year I'll put new tile and countertops in the kitchen, and the year after I'm getting a new back fence. Some time in there the carpet will get yanked in the front two rooms and if there is hardwood underneath that'll be re-finished. If not, manufactured hardwood will be installed.

There are so many projects to be done, and it's really hard for me to sit back and know that I can't do it all at once. Chicken coop and chickens will be some day. One lane lap pool, umm, sooner or later. Swap out my repro furniture with some actual Eames pieces...possibly never. I have to focus on the fact that I have a huge master bedroom with a lighted walk in closet, a ton of storage space, and a kitchen large enough to make five course meals without freaking out. That is what really matters. Everything else is just icing on the cake. I love this house, and look forward to growing old in it.

That's my house. I really need to get rid of that hideous door too. Some day.

Happy picture of the day, besides that one up there, is my fridge. I love it when it's stock full of veggies and yummy stuff. Towards the end of the month it looks nothing like this. I get paid once a month, and I suck at budgeting. I eat a lot of sandwiches and soup at the end of the month.

Money Can't Buy Me Love

Instead of going with the flow and ranting on how money and material things can't bring you happiness, I'm going to do a photo blog post. This post is filled with pictures of material things that make me happy every single day of my life. Take that!

Bowling girl light switch cover, I heart you so.

Bright orange slick chair, that someone could do a running leap and slide right off you, you are pretty useless. If someone leans back on you, you almost turn over. I still think you're keen. You remind me of the portly housekeeper who never cleans shit. Rock on chair. Or actually, can you not rock on? Just kind of sit on.

Hiya antique china hutch I got screamin' cheap from a friend. You rule my dining room. Just don't tell table. That lady gets jealous.

Oh, Lux Starburst Sunburst clock: As soon as I get my tax money you're actually going to work. But for now, just continue to hang there and look pretty.

Hamburger phone who will never get used: you made the cable guy laugh when he had to hook you up, so that's really all that matters. I do wish you had a way to turn off the ringer though. But alas, you are still A-OK.

Hello Lord Hooterton Snuffings and Ducky McTeabags. I smile every time I look at you in the kitchen. Carry on.

I have known I wanted this table since I was five. My grandpa made it from material he "borrowed" while working for the Sutter Club. I love you table.

Hiya Soupy. You require no words friend.

You can say that material things don't bring you happiness all you want. But I would tend to disagree. While you can't buy your way in to a smile, you most certainly can wake up blue and see something that totally changes the tone of your day. These are a few of my tone changing things.

Tale of the Fluffy Blue Jacket

I know that the idea is in no way original. There was Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and there are many bloggers who have done similar things. One that comes to mind is here: The Traveling Red Dress.

I got the idea from a lovely lady Kate, who writes a blog called Eat The Damn Cake. If you are not yet reading it, I suggest you put it in your favorites and do so right away. She is a fabulous writer, who tells lovely tales that every woman, and pretty much every human, can relate to. This post here started a conversation between she and I via email: http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/11/i-want-to-look-like-a-pirate-queen/.

She had said she never really wore bold items of clothing, and she wanted to start doing so. I told her of a really fun baby blue coat I have that always gets a visceral reaction from folks, whether that reaction be good or bad. I sent a picture of the coat, and she said she needed it. Lightbulb over the head later, and I decided this coat needed to start traveling. I told her I would dry clean and send her the coat. She can keep it as long as she needs, then she must pass it on to someone else. I am also including a journal to tell the story of the coat and what it has meant to me. The coat goes to Brooklyn tomorrow!

Many thanks to my lovely boyfriend Rich, for putting up with my insane behavior and making this little doozy of a picture for me.

Back story of the coat: A friend of mine was doing a W.E.A.V.E. clothing exchange at one of our local haunts. You brought 10 items of clothing, and 10 dollars, and you got 10 chips. Each chip entitled you to one clothing item on the racks or shoes and purses strewn about on tables. If you chose an item someone else also wanted, you had to do a runway like walk-off, and the crowd decided who got the item. Great idea because it was fun, W.E.A.V.E. got an item for every item someone chose, and they also made a bit of money. I immediately spotted this coat and walked up to it as another gal walked up to it as well. I looked at her and said, "You REALLY don't want to have to do a walk-off with me. I'm made of super sass." She said, "I do believe you are." And thus, the coat was mine.

Not only is the coat warm, but it always gets a reaction from people. From, "You killed Grover!" to "That is the greatest coat ever!" It has helped me get over some of my anxiety because random people will pet you in this coat. I HATE being touched by people I don't know. But with this coat it's pretty much impossible to get mad. If I saw someone in this coat, I would want to pet it too. I just wouldn't, 'cause I have this weird thing called manners. Haha.

I once had a hairdresser misunderstand what kind of cut I wanted, and I ended up with 1" of hair all around, with bangs, and long side pieces. Like an old skinhead fringe or a chelsea cut. I was so sad because it made me look even more butchy than I already do. Wearing this coat got me through that haircut. It was the only time I didn't feel manly sporting that hair.

So off the coat goes, and I wish it well. I don't care if I never see the coat again, but I do hope to see stories of it here and there along the internet, and I do hope no one keeps it. But hey, if someone needs to keep it, than they need to keep it. I know I have had it about eight years. It has served me well. Live on and prosper baby blue huggy bear pimp coat. I hope Kate has many an adventure with you.

Deep Thoughts

Okay, that title is a misnomer. My thoughts are rarely deep, except in the Jack Handey sort of way. I was going to do a post today about having nothing to prove, but I'm not feeling it, so random shite it is! Or more like a group of "why" questions that I really don't want you to answer. I think reading The Everywhereist's WTF Wednesday, planted a seed in my head.

Why do I have a neighbor who sits in his car with the door open, and blasts music in the evenings? Why is he in his 40s and still thinks this is okay to do? Probably the same reason his little mini van barely runs, and has two different colored panels, yet sweet ass rims. I would tell him he can't polish a turd, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't know what that meant.

Why for the past two days have I left for work and seen another neighbor's dog out front in the cold? If it happens again tomorrow I'm going to knock on their door. I usually don't butt in when neighbors do weird stuff, but if I think you're neglecting your animals, all bets are off.

Why ever since I told the homies across the street, the next time one of their friends parked blocking my driveway I was going to kick my gate open so hard it destroyed whatever car was parked there, has there not even been a car parked in front of my house? I don't own the street. I just know if you block my driveway, even if I have nowhere to go for the evening, it's rude.

Why does the lady at the end of my row at work need to yell in to her phone? I am tempted every time to go and gently put a hand on her shoulder and say, "It's not a tin can and a string."

Why did i forget to download the new Leonard Cohen album yesterday? I need to do that right now.

Why, when our state is always claiming how dire the budget is, do I have a training on SMART boards next week? I'm imagining SMART boards aren't cheap. Power point presentations do the trick. This thing is totally unnecessary.

Why did I take the SSM I test yesterday and pass with a 95%, only to have to wait 'til April to be able to apply for those jobs? Now I'm going to spend the next two months obsessively looking at the jobs available in that class, and hoping there is a non-supervisory one. I REALLY don't want to be a supervisor. I just want to make the money an SSM I makes.

Why am I still bothered by the fact that someone who was supposed to be my friend, hasn't contacted me since September? I want to know why, but I shouldn't care. I should feel blessed that someone who is that inconsiderate, is out of my life. But it still hurts, and bothers me. I have left three messages and that's all I can do. I'm officially done.

Why did I forget that I had dinner plans on Friday, and I have lunch plans? Yes, I can choose healthily when I dine out, but I don't. This is going to be a high calorie weekend.

Why did the people who sit close to me in my office think the building randomly shook, when really it's that I shake my leg so hard without noticing, that the floor shakes? Now I'll hear someone ask, "Melanie, are you shaking your leg?" And I will stop and yell, "Sorry." It's one of my many strange behaviors I have no idea I'm doing 'til someone calls me on it. I also rock from side to side when I stand, like I'm trying to soothe an invisible baby.

Why did I quit drinking coffee, causing me to have caffeine withdrawal headaches all week? I know why, but right now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have decided to be a weekend drinker. I heart you caffeine!

Why was I in such a bitter mood yesterday, that I started thinking lame thoughts about my boyfriend, only to wake up this morning to a "You're probably asleep by now, but I can't wait to see you in a little bit!!!! xxxxOOOOOoooooXXXXX" email? I am lucky, and I like these notes that totally knock me down a notch, when I get in to lame Melanie mode.

Okay, that's enough random for one day. Except the random happy picture. I love community gardens. Especially renegade ones where people don't ask, but just start a garden in the empty lot next to their home or apartment. They make me very happy.

Take Your Medicine

This post is totally biased and completely my own beliefs. I'm not trying to convert anyone, or tell you what you are doing is wrong. You just might want to think about things before you rush to the doctor to get on another round of antibiotics. American medicine is wonderful in some ways, and ass backwards in others.

I think that it is miraculous how far we've come in as far as medical technology is concerned. Pace makers, chemo therapies that rid the body of cancer, organ transpants, and the laundry list of other things that save lives. All of these things are lovely and I'm glad that we have them. But I am of the belief that if we eat right and treat our bodies well, going the preventitive route, we can cut back greatly on our doctor visits.

Pharmaceutical companies and hospitals make a killing off of people who aren't well. My mom used to work oncology at a large hospital here in town. Every year the pharm reps would take them out to lunch or dinner and push their goods. They would shut down a whole restaurant and talk to the hospital staff about their goods.

Why am I writing all this crap? Because I went to get some Chinese tea and herbs yesterday, and it made me think about how rarely I go to the doctor. I generally find a holistic item to help me with what ails me, when I can. I do that because there is something sinister seeming about doctors. Also, I believe in the health at every size movement. Every doctor I visit seems to ask, "Are you trying to lose weight?" No, but I am trying to live a healthy life where I ingest good things and move my body in a way that I enjoy a few times a week. That answer never makes them smile. I had one doctor who wanted to test my blood sugars and cholesterol every time I went in. I said, "My blood pressure is better than yours. If you'd like to go race around the parking lot and see who wins, or have a weightlifting contest, I'm more than willing to take you on." He had no response and went on with how I was on the verge of diabetes. Really? 'Cause my blood sugars are better than normal. Oh, that's right, I weigh 215 so you don't need any sort of facts to explain why you think I'm on the verge of diabetes. There are just as many unhealthy thin folks as fat folks, but that's a whole 'nother post.

Doctors want me to be on a few meds for my anxiety disorder and other issues. I have refused because I find that I can function enough to get by. I have no problem with people taking meds to help them maintain their sanity. Some of my best friends take anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. They just aren't for me. I have been tempted, believe me. But until the day that I can't take it anymore without them, I'll continue to drink tea and meditate.

For some the hospital is a necessity. I'm not preaching don't ever go seek medical attention. I'm just saying if you cut out some of the shitty processed garbage, and ate a lot of greenery, antioxidants, and super foods, you may be able to cut back on some copay action and feel better in general. I usually don't push authors, but of all the things I've read, Michael Pollan seems to have the right idea. He is the one who doesn't seem to have a blatant agenda (although I'm sure he does just like everyone else). For a quick idea of his stuff I suggest reading Food Rules. My favorite one is: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." His funnier ones crack me up too though like, "If it comes through your car window, it's not food." He does seem to lean that thin is better, but the rest of what he has to say totally rings true to me.

Here is a picture of huang-lian. It is a Chinese herb that is supposed to help those who have had their gall bladder removed. Apparently it tastes horrible so you just put a tiny pinch in with your tea. It detoxifies. I am excited to have found it thanks to a friend doing some research for me.

huang lian