Do Whatcha Like

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and it came up that she never texted a man first because she didn't want to come off as obsessed or overly interested. I responded, "If you want to text him, do so. If he thinks you're clingy for asking how his day is, he is not the man for you." To go even further I always tell people, "Always be yourself. Those who don't like you don't matter. Do you really want to spend an entire relationship altering your behavior so someone finds you acceptable? That never ends well."

I spent SO MANY YEARS toning down my larger than life personality. I didn't want people to think I was an attention whore. I was worried if I acted smarter, funnier, wittier than the fellas I'd never have a boyfriend. And it worked: I was never single. But in those relationships I was never really happy because if a funny thought came in my mind I'd let it pass unspoken. I was giving up huge chunks of what made me me, on a daily basis. This led to a spiral of shame and most likely my alcohol and drug abuse. You can't be the funniest and the wittiest if you're blacked out drunk. Or so I thought. Apparently some of my best stuff came out when I didn't remember saying it.

My point is this: always do what makes you happy. If wearing a dress with the girls popped out and a ton of make up on is how you want to live your life, then do so without apology. If you want to wear jeans and t shirts every damn day do it. If you want to tell people exactly how you feel in the middle of their story, then by all means let it fly. The only rule should be: honor your true feelings and what you want to do, but always remember to be empathetic and compassionate in the act of achieving this.

I am admittedly an annoying individual. Sometimes I start speaking when someone hasn't even finished their sentence. A lot of the time I go off on tangents that have nothing to do with what a conversation was originally about (this comes as no shock to those of you who are regular readers, as I do it here as well). The great thing about me is this: if you tell me, "God dammit Melanie, I wasn't finished. Shut up." I will laugh and then say, "I'm sorry." My brain is always ten steps ahead of where I currently am. I am learning mindfulness and living in the now, but it's no easy task for me.

I think if you are who you are, and someone doesn't like that, they weren't meant to be in your life. Why force things? You will have far better friendships and relationships with people who love you for exactly who you are. I can honestly say that all my friends do a ton of shit that annoys me, but there is not one thing I would change about any of them. I love them with all their good bits, nasty bits, shameful bits, stinky bits, hairy bits, mouthy bits, and all the other bits.

If there is one thing I have learned in all my life that is worth knowing, it is that I am going to be unapologetically me, and screw those who don't like it. Well, don't screw them, but I don't need anything to do with them. Also, it is not my job to try and like everyone else. There are a ton of people I don't like, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me a horrible person if I don't want anything to do with someone else based on their words or actions.

Honor yourself. Honor those around you. Love people for every single bit of who they are. Never ask a person to change for you. Above all else, only make changes that YOU want to make because they will make you a better person. Never make a change because it is something that someone else thinks you should do. If you do that, you will come to resent the change and the person who forced you to do it. And really, they didn't force you to do anything, so you should really just be mad at and resent yourself.

Happy picture of the day: this is one of my favorite pictures ever taken.

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June Movies

This month was chock full of bad ones. Some I had to turn off midway 'cause I couldn't even make it through. I will never take a recommendation from Kevin Smith again after this stinker of a movie: Bindlestiffs. If ever there was a film that convinced me I need to get off my ass and start writing screenplays this was it. What a waste of film!

And here are the good ones. I watched Moneyball and liked it way more than I thought I would. But as I may have been the last person on earth to actually watch it, I left it off the list.

We Need To Talk About Kevin: Very strange and entertaining movie about a mom who is pretty sure she's raising a sociopath. Also, it has Tilda Swinton, and I love her.

Pariah: Beautifully shot and well acted movie about a young black lesbian growing up in urban America. I watched it twice in a row.

Killing Zoe: I hadn't seen this in a very long time. Loved it just as much as I did the first time I saw it when it came out.

The Woman In Black: Do you love Daniel Radcliffe like I do? Then you should watch this. Also, it is just a great suspenseful ghost story. I really liked it.

Dandelion: Two words: weird, and wonderful.

Midnight in Paris: I love Woody Allen, and also Adrien Brody plays Salvador Dali. That really sealed the deal. I loved that when he went back in time I recognized all the authors and artists. It amused me greatly.

Submarine: Highly entertaining. This kid is trying to lose his virginity, at the same time he's trying to save his parents' marriage. He's doing pretty poorly at both.

Limelight: A fantastic documentary about Peter Gatien, one of the most successful and notorious club owners of all time. He was the victim of a witch hunt of sorts and he only slightly prevailed. Shows what law enforcement/government can do even when they have no proof or facts to back up their accusations. Scary stuff.

Grizzly Man: Great documentary about Timothy Treadwell, who I thought took his love of bears in to psychotic obsession, and it ultimately ended in his death.

Puncture: Chris Evans stars as a drug addicted lawyer who takes on huge corporations to try and get a safety needle put in hospitals. What drew me to this the most is it shows a drug addict not who is down and out, but one who is totally functioning and getting things accomplished, while spiraling out of control. Based on a true story.

So there you go folks. Hope you enjoy.

Chatting Folks Up

The ability to network in person and chat folks up is a dying art. With texting and Facebooking becoming the main means of communication for most folks, I think the act of face to face communication is suffering for sure. I am a chatter upper, and it's why I know so many awesome folks.

No matter where I'm at or what I'm doing, I have the keen ability to within ten minutes have people say, "I like her." I am always a smash hit when I meet the parents of the boyfriend. If there is someone I find interesting and I want to know them, I simply walk up and introduce myself. Just now in the hall the Director of our Child Development Division walked by and I said, "Hey Camille. I need to come see you soon. I want to work with you guys and I want to come over and explore some of my options. I'll send you a meeting request this or next week." She said, "That sounds great Melanie. I'll be waiting to hear from you!"

I notice the more reliant folks become on email and such, the less they are able to look someone in the eye and have a thoughtful conversation. People are becoming more and more socially inept and unable to interact in a real life social setting. It's why I also have dinner parties. I have shrunk the group size down to 10 or less as I found the larger parties made it difficult to really visit with everyone. The next party will be a mid-century food themed party. Hello tomato aspic, pigs in a blanket, and deviled eggs!

I think it's really important to get out in the real world and have meaningful conversation with others. The interpersonal connection where you get to look in to someone's eyes, or perhaps give them a meaningful touch on the arm to really take a message home, is something I cherish. I couldn't live my life without it.

Also, the reason internet dating was so weird for me is that I'm the exact opposite of most. Most people come across far better communicating via electronic message. They have time to come up with "witty" retorts (I put that in quotes because it isn't wit when you've had a day to think it up), and they don't have to worry about a bad reaction to something they've said. I, however, come across FAR better in person.

I will say on the first date with Unicorn I kept tripping over my words and not being able to form complete sentences. I was totally and completely nervous which does NOT happen to me, and that's how I knew he was going to be someone important. At one point I was walking over rocks and I was trying to say, "Oh, now you're making me go through some damn obstacle course to get places." But I couldn't think of the words "obstacle course." So I said half the sentence and said, "What's one of those things where you have to get through stuff?" Seriously, that came out of my mouth. And he still liked me after that. :) Several times throughout that day I would be like, "God, I can't think of it!" and he would whisper the word I was trying to think of in my ear. How very helpful. And we would laugh heartily. I told him, "This is totally your fault mister magic steal my words man. I never get like this."

Okay, I got on tangential sap mode for a minute. He does that to me. Back on topic Melanie!

The point of this was just to say that I enjoy in person human interaction. I think texting and phone calls are for when you don't have the opportunity to get together in person. They are a backup and a lovely way to stay in touch. But they are most definitely not my favorite way to interact.

Happy picture of the day: a gorgeous vintage Yelloware jug that I just may have to buy myself from Etsy. I am a little obsessed with vintage dishes/housewares. This would be a lovely addition to my home.

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I Owe It To Myself

Remember that fella Ricky that is the cutey face posing with the penis ice sculpture from my dating post a while back? Well, he and I have forged a pretty awesome friendship. He got a text from an ex the other day that got me to thinking how glad I am that I owe it to myself to tell people full of drama I want nothing to do with them.

His ex is someone he hadn't spoken to in a while and is not friends with. (Sounds kinda familiar to the me and Rich scenario) and she texted him out of nowhere and was giving him grief. I said, "Why did you respond to those texts? Just ignore her next time." He said he hasn't learned to do that yet. Well, it took me 35 years but I most certainly have, kind of.

Rich contacted me out of the blue two weeks ago asking about an art show that was coming up, and was I going. I, like the sucker that I am, responded. It turned in to him asking if we could try and be friends again, and me saying yes, let's have dinner. But after mulling it over I decided no. I decided he does not have the qualities I require in a friend, and therefore I did not wish to have dinner. I told him if I see him out and about I will be cordial, but he and I are never going to be friends.

It may sound unforgiving or harsh but I see it this way: if someone can treat you disrespectfully and without consideration, and you keep them around, you are reinforcing their horrible behavior. Not only are you having to put up with someone who arrives late, doesn't act appropriately, etc., but you are telling them, "Yes, continue to act this way. There are no consequences to you acting douchey so go ahead and keep it up!" I, for one, refuse to reinforce the horrible behavior of others.

We need to like ourselves enough to realize that being a friend or more with us is a privilege, not a right. A relationship with a good person is something to be forged and earned, and it takes effort on all parts to make it work. We need to let people know they can not be inconsiderate and treat others poorly, yet still have people who make excuses for them and accept that behavior. I see it as my duty as a human to let people know, "No, your shit won't fly here. And if more people liked themselves your shit wouldn't fly anywhere, and you'd be a lonely emm effer."

I am so glad that I now like myself enough to demand respect and consideration. Not so long ago I was surrounded with flaky people who couldn't care less how their actions effected others. No more.

I also fully believe that the reason I started attracting more quality men, good ones who were actually a joy to hang out with and nice people, is because I now give off the vibe of someone with confidence. It makes my interactions far more joyful. I had to tell a lot of nice fellas no thanks, and it's not that they were horrible people. It's just that they weren't good ENOUGH. And in that process I found that one who is not only good enough, but he is great. That would've never happened if I didn't experience all the growth I have in the past few years. So I'm really grateful to be where I am today. Even if I am dating someone who likes football. I kid! But it will be an adjustment to be a good hostess on game days and make nice. Who knows? Maybe I'll even learn to watch football without cringing. :)

Happy picture of the day: I was going to put a picture up of Unicorn but you know what? I'm going to keep that to myself this time. He's not getting shared. Take that! Instead I am putting up something that makes me ridiculously happy. Well, besides Unicorn. It's Billie Holiday, whom I love. This is from a site talking about one of her many run ins with the law. Almost every artist I love and adore, has been a drug addict. I have always said that true genius almost always is paired with drug use or some form of "crazy" behavior.

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I Don't Do Diets

Today’s post is a link up with me and Jax over at Raviolis & Waterworks. We email and talk almost every day and this topic came up so we decided to write about it, as we both don’t like the term “diet.” Her post today is about how she lives a healthy lifestyle, without going on diets.

I have long been a proponent of healthy eating as a lifestyle rather than fad and binge dieting to be healthy. Now, I know a lot of you ladies, and some of you gents out there, are dieting right now. I am not judging. I am just saying that to me it makes far more sense to always eat well, than to constantly be eating the latest “thing” or “lite” food.

Every weekday morning I have 8 oz. of vanilla natural yogurt with flax seed. For lunch I have the only processed food I ingest: a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones meal with a piece of fruit. Now, I wouldn’t recommend this. This is sheer laziness on my part. But I’m all about honesty, and this is how I honestly eat. For dinner I eat a small portion of protein, a starch, and a vegetable. My entire diet besides weekday lunches consists of whole foods made from scratch, and it’s the only way I could ever eat. I shop at local farmer’s markets for produce, and get hormone free meats from local grocers.

Women at work often comment about which diet they are currently on and I just can’t relate. The other morning we were out to breakfast for a co-worker’s birthday and I had a scone and a half grapefruit. I was asked, “What diet are you doing?” I responded, “I don’t diet. I eat healthy on a regular basis and then if I occasionally want a burger or ice cream, I have some.”

I exercise an hour a day four days a week. Two days of cardio and two days of weights. I also walk around the park near my work three days a week which is about 1.5 miles. I park about ½ mile from work to get in that extra mile every day.

Our nation is the only nation with lite food, diet foods, gyms all over, etc. and we’re the least healthy. My only goal in life is to be healthy and live to a ripe old age. But my intentions aren’t all that pure. I want to live to be really old so that all of the weird stuff I already do will be regarded with a, “But Melanie can do that, ‘cause she’s 80.” Some day I'm going to be eccentric rather than weird, and I look forward to that day very much.

Happy picture of the day: A 1968 Charger. My dream car. I will own this one day I will.

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Warning: This Post Is Sappy As Hell

So the Oakland trip was well worth it. The drive there made me want to kill someone else or myself, but it was fine once I arrived to see the Unicorn's smiling face and open arms. I hung out in those arms a while as my breathing needed to slow and calm from the traffic I'd just sat in. It had taken me 50 minutes to get from here to Berkeley, which is normal. What's not normal is the 50 minutes it then took me to get from Berkeley to his place in Oakland. 50 minutes to get about 8 miles. I figure I was driving on average, 6 mph. But I did it. I did it without throwing up or crying or being out of sorts when I arrived at my destination. Well, I was a little out of sorts but not as bad as I thought I'd be. Melanie the badass: 1, Traffic: 0.

After hugging and kissing him for a while I unpacked my stuff and headed for the shower. He had laid out a washcloth and a fresh towel for me. I walked out of the bathroom with a towel covering me and told him the shower was smarter than I was. Apparently you have to do some switchamaroo where the water comes out for the tub that you have to move. He said as I walked out in a towel, "Ahh, look at you being all modest." So I said, "Habit!" and quickly dropped the towel and smiled.

I got out of the shower and put on some yoga pants and a t shirt, and bounced out to the living room. He said, "Tell me when you get hungry." After about an hour of being all snuggled up watching tv I turned and told him I was hungry. He has a teeny kitchen so I pulled a chair up right outside the kitchen so I could chat with him while he cooked. He made us a delicious skirt steak with sauteed mushrooms, a caprese salad in a bowl, and mashed potatoes. We ate in front of the tv like real life Americans. Then we snuggled some more while the food settled, until we had cake and gelato for dessert. He eats the same brand of gelato that I love, Talenti. I got to try a flavor I'd never had: double chocolate. It was DElicious.

We sat and watched the Cooking Channel, as food nerds are apt to do. I will leave out the gory details of how many times things got intimate. I'll just say that you can fit a lot of sexy time in to a 12 hour period, when you only see someone once a week or so. I have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy and thankfully, he is right up there with me.

I got up at 5:00 am Friday morning to get ready to come home. He got up with me and had yogurt and coffee for me. He listened that I eat yogurt on weekday mornings. So sweet. I hugged and kissed him a bit and really didn't want to leave. At about 5:40 I left his house. As I was driving I got a text that said, "I want you to come back." It is exactly that kind of stuff that is going to keep me around. I eat it up. When I got home it was only 7:00 am so I went by my house to unpack, check on the kitties, clean the litter box, and get ready for the day. I texted to tell him that I can totally do this every other Thursday night, so I can see him once a week. That made him very happy.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I have an equal partner. Someone who likes me the same as I like them. So often there is one person that REALLY likes the other, and that other kind of likes you less. That doesn't seem like the case here, and it is nicer than I can express. I am really looking forward to seeing where this relationship takes us. We already have plans to meet up with some friends of mine in the bay for dinner on the 30th. Then we're going to a tiki bar in Alameda. I like that he's a planner like I am, and doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I try to schedule what we're doing a few weeks out. It's nice.

For now, I am giddy and happy and this is the place where Melanie is really comfortable and glad to be. A place where she talks about herself in the third person and sees absolutely nothing wrong with that. Thanks for really turning out to be my unicorn, Unicorn. I will continue to make everyone physically ill with tales of the fun we have together, and of your awesome consideration and the way you pay attention and care for me. This is going to be good times, and I am really glad for that.

Happy picture of the day: a little racially inappropriate humor to get you going on a Monday. Iiiieeeeee!

Style

I have been complimented a ton lately on things I'm wearing. I accept the compliments with grace, but they shock me every single time. I tend to like things that others find tacky or ridiculous. I tend to err on the side of fun. I sometimes wonder if the compliments are not simply because I always have a smile on my face and am just a good person, moreso than the fact than they really like my thrift store skirt paired with Converse.

I love weird print tees, and wacky zany print blouses. I love ruffles and full skirts and all things frilly. I LOVE western shirts and dark jeans. I wait with baited breath for winter when I can put on a scarf and a sweater. I wear things that make me happy, and maybe that's why it outwardly appears as if I have some semblance of style, when really that's not the case at all.

I just purchased two petticoats to go under some of my vintage dresses. I love a twirly full skirt paired with a ridiculously high, high heel that makes me so tall I can peer over the heads of most people. I sometimes like a modern dress that I can't afford, so I search and find one similar in my price range. I love finding a treasure in a thrift store, which is getting harder and harder now that the "cool" kids who teased me in high school for wearing old used clothes, have decided that vintage is in.

I find that I don't care what someone is wearing, but am drawn to people who are obviously wearing something because it is inherently THEM. I can see a dress on one woman and think, "That looks odd" and the same dress on another woman and think it's gorgeous. It's more in someone trying to pull something off because someone told them they should, rather than wearing what they truly love.

I just saw a fabulous young lady yesterday in a skirt, cardigan, and red glasses and yelled out, "You are too damn cute little lady!" and she got the biggest smile on her face. That's the most important thing to remember. When you see someone who looks great, tell them. Even if you don't know them. Tell someone they are cute today!

If I see a man in a western shirt it doesn't really matter what he looks like, I immediatley love him.

Here's a picture of a shirt I have that I really like. Maybe I should've just made a whole post about western shirts.

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