Do Whatcha Like

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and it came up that she never texted a man first because she didn't want to come off as obsessed or overly interested. I responded, "If you want to text him, do so. If he thinks you're clingy for asking how his day is, he is not the man for you." To go even further I always tell people, "Always be yourself. Those who don't like you don't matter. Do you really want to spend an entire relationship altering your behavior so someone finds you acceptable? That never ends well."

I spent SO MANY YEARS toning down my larger than life personality. I didn't want people to think I was an attention whore. I was worried if I acted smarter, funnier, wittier than the fellas I'd never have a boyfriend. And it worked: I was never single. But in those relationships I was never really happy because if a funny thought came in my mind I'd let it pass unspoken. I was giving up huge chunks of what made me me, on a daily basis. This led to a spiral of shame and most likely my alcohol and drug abuse. You can't be the funniest and the wittiest if you're blacked out drunk. Or so I thought. Apparently some of my best stuff came out when I didn't remember saying it.

My point is this: always do what makes you happy. If wearing a dress with the girls popped out and a ton of make up on is how you want to live your life, then do so without apology. If you want to wear jeans and t shirts every damn day do it. If you want to tell people exactly how you feel in the middle of their story, then by all means let it fly. The only rule should be: honor your true feelings and what you want to do, but always remember to be empathetic and compassionate in the act of achieving this.

I am admittedly an annoying individual. Sometimes I start speaking when someone hasn't even finished their sentence. A lot of the time I go off on tangents that have nothing to do with what a conversation was originally about (this comes as no shock to those of you who are regular readers, as I do it here as well). The great thing about me is this: if you tell me, "God dammit Melanie, I wasn't finished. Shut up." I will laugh and then say, "I'm sorry." My brain is always ten steps ahead of where I currently am. I am learning mindfulness and living in the now, but it's no easy task for me.

I think if you are who you are, and someone doesn't like that, they weren't meant to be in your life. Why force things? You will have far better friendships and relationships with people who love you for exactly who you are. I can honestly say that all my friends do a ton of shit that annoys me, but there is not one thing I would change about any of them. I love them with all their good bits, nasty bits, shameful bits, stinky bits, hairy bits, mouthy bits, and all the other bits.

If there is one thing I have learned in all my life that is worth knowing, it is that I am going to be unapologetically me, and screw those who don't like it. Well, don't screw them, but I don't need anything to do with them. Also, it is not my job to try and like everyone else. There are a ton of people I don't like, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me a horrible person if I don't want anything to do with someone else based on their words or actions.

Honor yourself. Honor those around you. Love people for every single bit of who they are. Never ask a person to change for you. Above all else, only make changes that YOU want to make because they will make you a better person. Never make a change because it is something that someone else thinks you should do. If you do that, you will come to resent the change and the person who forced you to do it. And really, they didn't force you to do anything, so you should really just be mad at and resent yourself.

Happy picture of the day: this is one of my favorite pictures ever taken.

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