Fear Factor

I am not going to go in to a diatribe about eating bull penises or jumping off of helicopters in to shark infested waters, but that would be a fun entry. Instead I'm going to get all kinds of serious on your ass.

I have a lovely group of friends. They all make me feel loved and safe. When I journey out in to the world to meet new people, I realize that my group of friends are not the norm. Most people are so busy living in fear that they don't realize how badly they are treating others. Arrogance = hidden fear. Someone being really rude to others = based in fear. Pretty much all bad behavior you see people exhibiting can all be traced back to something that people are afraid of. Most often that is rejection.

I don't understand fear of rejection. I will just put myself out there. I realize that if someone doesn't like me, it rarely has anything to do with me. It's generally their own stuff. I am really up front and a little intense. If someone doesn't like that, I respect that. But I don't take it personally or feel bad about it. I just figure that person wasn't meant to be in my life, and I move on.

In the dating world I'm much the same. I am who I am. I don't fake that I'm someone else to draw someone in because why do that? The Melanie you meet is the Melanie you'll be hanging out with six months from now. I am not interested in fooling someone in to spending time with me. Also, if you don't communicate effectively I'm not interested. If you play coy and aloof I don't wonder what's wrong with me. On the contrary, it makes me feel sorry for you that you can't act like an adult.

I feel bad that some people aren't really willing to do the hard work to look at themselves and learn to be a better person. Because unless you are willing to do that, your interpersonal interactions are never going to be at the quality level they could be. You can't be in a meaningful friendship or relationship, if you don't really know yourself.

I am far from perfect. All of my friends are far from perfect. The thing is that all of us are who we are, without apology. Some of our flaws we are working on. Some of our flaws we know will be with us forever, so we acknowledge them and just try not to let them guide our actions. Some of our flaws we laugh about 'cause they seem so damn ridiculous, they don't make any sense. But we know what they are. I think that is where the secret to being a good person is.

I spent many years doing the hard work of self-realization, and I continue to do so. After years of thinking that the things going wrong in my life were because of others, I broke down and took ownership for why my life was where it was. I am in a good place. I just wish more people were here with me. It's a really nice place to be. Even with my down days, and my nervous days, and my insomnia days. I'd rather be me, than be someone floating through life not letting others in, or not knowing who I truly am. That, to me, seems like a nightmare.

Today I can say I'm honestly not afraid of most things. But sometimes I actually AM afraid. I'm afraid of the people who lack self-awareness and wander through life victimizing other people due to their lack of knowledge. Those people are raising children and driving cars. Those people are belittling others at work and beating their spouses. The world would be a nicer place if those people didn't exist, and the fact that I think that scares me.

Happy picture of the day: truth.

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