We Have A Dark Horse In The Running

I know, I know, enough of the effing dating posts already Melanie. This will be the last one for a while, I promise. Unless I write another one, then all bets are off.

I went on a few dates with Ricky before he decided he just wasn't feeling it and we have been chatting as friends ever since. I didn't take it personally. To me, trying to pursue something with a fella who isn't in to you, is like chasing a gay man. Why would you do that? I know some women get all butt hurt about, "Why doesn't he like me????" and sometimes my mind goes there. But mostly I just realize that's what was supposed to happen and I move on.

I had a date Thursday evening with a really awesome guy. He was kind, smart, and funny. I could tell from the first few minutes there was no romantic connection for me. Sometimes it takes a few dates, but sometimes I can tell right off the bat I'm just not going to like this person as anything more than a friend. I try to let them know as soon as possible so that they don't put any effort in to trying to make more than a friendship connection with me. I believe in being up front.

Thursday morning I had started talking with a guy from the bay area who instantly made me all giddy like a school girl. I love that feeling. We texted all day, talked more than once on the phone, and it just felt right. Then my defense mechanisms kicked in and I started thinking the, "What if he's not really who he says he is? blah blah blah shut up brain blah blah." But I pushed that all aside. He's coming out Wednesday night to hang out. We'll call him the new redbeard. I am learning I really do have a thing for the ginger beard. But aside from the fact of all the physical stuff about him that I'm drawn to: he's 6' 4", he's got some weight to him, and he's cute as a button, I just immediately felt at ease with him and conversation flowed and didn't seem forced or awkward ever. That's huge for me.

I had a coffee date Friday morning. This is with the local musician guy. He is totally amazing. Kind, smart, funny, been sober a while. But in all honestly my mind right now is totally with my big bearded bear. I can't get him off of my mind. I can't push him aside to give anyone else a chance until we hang out and I see if what I think is there, really is. It may be weird. It may be unhealthy. I may break the basket with all of the eggs I'm putting in to it, but it just feels right to me to do that. Sometimes, you have to put your logic aside and just go with what your gut tells you, so that's what I'm going to do.

I cancelled both dates I had scheduled for the weekend with Trouble and the other nice guy, because I honestly didn't have the energy or the want to try and squeeze any more me and a new man time in to my life. I am physically and mentally exhausted right now. So I made the decision to put those dates off, maybe indefinitely. Then Trouble got in touch with me Saturday afternoon and asked if he could come over that evening and I said what the heck. He came over at around 9 pm and we just chatted and visited. He's not trouble at all. He's smart, and nice, and I must say he may actually have a shot if the feeling is mutual. I am really proud of myself in that I'm keeping a positive attitude about it this go 'round. I have the tendency to throw in the towel and put up barriers to protect myself. I'd honestly rather have my heart broken a thousand times, then not give that next love a chance. It's out there somewhere. It may not be out there with anyone I'm currently talking to, but I know it's out there.

Hi, I have a red beard and I'm cute.