Oh, The Holidays

They are a time of joy and getting together. For me, they are a time of dread because while most of my life is spent surrounding myself with drama-free and amazing folks, during the holidays I am surrounded by dysfunction and things that make me sad.

Sunday (yesterday) was the one year anniversary of my gram's death. Because of this we all got together at a restaurant we have long frequented to celebrate. Of course, I had one sister so jacked on prescription meds that after her first cocktail she was nodding off like a junkie. My brother who has been married about three months is back living with my folks apparently, since the new wife is already so afraid of him she doesn't want him around. I was thankful to be sitting next to my cousin and her hubby (my cousin's pic in her wedding dress was used as my happy picture of the day in one of my summer posts about marriage) because they are great and wonderful folks to visit with. I told my cousin's husband that his vows totally made me cry, I was so happy for Sarah to have found him. So at least there was that light to focus on.

Thanksgiving will be much the same then I'll get a respite until Xmas eve. I know that everyone has crazy families, it's just that my family totally tips the scale of crazy so much so that I almost think I should write a book about growing up. But a lot of people would get hurt in that process, and it's kind of not worth it.

So while I do appreciate the spirit of the holidays, and the cheer I see on some people's faces, I also do not look forward to this time of year. I love my family, don't get me wrong, I just don't like to spend time with miserable people who are deeply in denial about what is going on in their lives. I can be blissfully ignorant most times of the year forgetting that people like that actually exist in the world.

My mom offered to buy me a drink then quickly said, "Oh, you can't drink!" I said, "I can, but I am choosing not to this evening." She responded with, "I don't want to see you drinking." I said, "Okay, I'll just do it behind your back in secret, because that is way more healthy." That's pretty much how my family is: if you ignore something and pretend it isn't happening, then that's better than dealing with it face on. I am the exact opposite. Make mistakes, face and be honest about them, and then you can fix them. My mom has not evolved or grown my whole life, because she would rather just pretend nothing is wrong. I can't abide by that, even though I totally understand why she does it. It seems easier, but really it makes life far more difficult.

Okay, rant over. I am just really in a foul mood after that dinner, and am trying to focus on the good things instead of the bad. I had to get this all out so I could move forward.

Happy picture of the day: these will always be funny to me. Plus, who doesn't want to look at Ryan Gosling?

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