You see, my brain is constantly moving at the speed of light. I am trying to figure out the best way to come up with a budget based on a pay stub. I need to remember what I'm making for dinner tonight. I need to figure out if my budget will allow for me to buy a pizza this weekend. All of these things that most people think about when they happen, my brain is constantly circling trying to get everything out of the way RIGHT NOW.
I can not fall asleep unless it's in front of a television. Then I stumble in to bed and tuck myself in and sleep as long as I can. I have tried everything. Melatonin worked for about two months. Meditating no longer helps. I refuse to go on any prescription sleep meds, because some of my friends are on them and the stories they tell frighten me. Also, the last thing I need is to become dependent on another substance.
Last night I slept from 9-1, then from 4-6. That's 6 hours! Yeah, but sleeping in shifts, as I do a lot of the time, doesn't feel like six hours of sleep. It tends to feel like whatever last stretch you got, is all the sleep you got. And yes, I have also tried no naps and no caffeine. Didn't help. So I sleep whenever I can. If that means a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day on the weekend, so be it. Because not napping never insures a full night's rest, I get sleep wherever the heck I can. What's the most lovely about all this is that not sleeping, causes me anxiety about not sleeping, which then leads to even less sleeping. Awesome, right? Umm, not so much.
I really wish I could have a job where I worked full time, but on my own schedule. Having to do an 8-5 is not the best thing for everyone. I wish our society had alternate shifts available for folks like me. I am of the belief that having to live life by an alarm clock, instead of your body's natural rhythms, isn't good for you. I think if I could get up at 1 am and get some work done 'til I was tired, then go back to sleep, my life would be a happier place. Could you imagine if you never had to groggily crawl out of bed feeling totally unrested, and get ready for work? Life would be grand. So although I know that will never happen, I can still sit in wonder and dream of a life where I actually got enough sleep.
This weekend I didn't even get good sleep Friday and Saturday night, which are usually the nights I sleep better, 'cause I'm not stressed that I have to get to sleep to not be a total crankyface at work the next day. It was still a good weekend, but I can't say I'm not going to sit here all day counting the hours 'til I can be home in my pj's. I foresee an 8 pm bedtime in my future. I hella party.
Happy picture of the day: my friend's wedding cake. Her sister made it and it was accompanied by a ton of cupcakes. It made me laugh.
Have you thought of getting a companion brain so your brain has another brain to talk to instead of keeping you up? I don't know, they say it works for puppies.
ReplyDeleteAs for alternative shift, you could get like 10 different part time jobs then you could stumble out of bed and show up somewhere and work at whatever hour. That's how those jobs work, right?
Wouldn't the companion brain constantly chattering to my current brain, make this even WORSE? Or would I be able to remove my current brain and leave it in the guest room with companion brain? If so, I think you're on to something.
ReplyDeleteOh lord, you just reminded me of this. I GOT 9 JOB MON! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpu5_3qk4KM
My husband is convinced that I am either powered by cold fusion or an unholy combination of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns (which is odd because I am convinced that I am allergic to sunshine since I sneeze every time I go outside). I think that he is just jealous that I can thrive on less than 10 jillion hours of sleep a night which is what he needs.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you got a companion brain then you could probably take over the world. Or be in Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum. Either would be pretty cool.
My boyfriend has no clue how I function how I do. Even with no sleep, my energy level is always at +1000 unless I'm REALLY depressed. But even then I usually try and keep it up as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I can get a domestic partnership for companion brain, so it's covered on my healthcare? I am pretty sure if I made any effort whatsoever, I could already take over the world. I'm just too tired to even think about it. :)
I love sleep, and when I can't sleep, I get so freaking frustrated (mini-insomnia, nothing serious. Just my crazy brain as well.) While I used to feel lazy liking it, now I embrace it when I can!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Valerian root or tea? It's a natural relaxer and can help with sleep in a non-addictive herbal way. Of course it had the opposite affect on me and spazzed me out, but I'm told that's rare. Lovely.
I have tried every tea, root, herb, etc. No dice.
ReplyDeleteI just say I'm like this so when I do get A good night's sleep, I truly appreciate it. That happens about once every two weeks now.
That's funny 'cause Soma and a lot of other downers make me hyper, and amphetamine makes me calm. Crazy brain!
I know how you feel. School work is constantly keeping me awake as well and I'm finding it hard to get even 6 hours a night too. :\
ReplyDeleteYou should probably get more sleep.
ReplyDelete@Dwei,
ReplyDeleteBack in college I went a lot of time on one hour of sleep. Seriously. I'm glad those days are over. It's only a few years and the degree is worth it though! And the lack of sleep wasn't from studying. It was from hanging out with friends. Most of the time I'd start studying for an exam 4 am the day of, and the same with writing papers. I wouldn't recommend this.
@Nathan,
You are a gentleman and a scholar.
Did you ever read Rant? I don't know if you like Chuck Palahniuk but in that book, society has divided itself between day people (business, lawyers, white collar, etc) and night people (artists, musicians, bartenders, etc). Like they were just sick of cohabitating and decided to draw the proverbial curtain in the middle of the day.
ReplyDeleteI think about that often, how I can be exhausted and have gotten no sleep or just a few hours, but by 10pm I am wide awake again. Like right now, for instance. I really should be going to bed. But I can't.
My boss told me that pumpkin powder (WHAT?) sprinkled on top of applesauce right before bed is a natural sedative. I bought the applesauce but have yet to find pumpkin powder. Haha
And lastly: I hope you can see this webcomic because it is The Oatmeal and it is wonderful.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/brain
It's basically about how your brain sabotages you. And me, of course. :)
I have read all of his books. Rant is the last one I actually liked. I am trying to get through Damned right now and if it's bad, I'm done with him. His last two were atrocious.
ReplyDeletePumpkin powder huh? Weird.
I'll check out the comic later. I love the oatmeal.