No matter how good you think you are at being dishonest, someone like me can always tell by your body language, but mostly by your facial expressions, when you are being insincere. I can talk with someone and within a half hour I can tell you way too much about them. I can read people like a book. And sometimes, I don't like it. Sometimes when Rich is telling a little white lie like, "I was going to call you to wish you a happy sobriety birthday later," I wish I didn't know he was lying. I sometimes call people on it and say, "Please don't lie. Just say you forgot, apologize, and let's move on." But often times I find myself just letting it go. Letting the person think they've gotten away with something; that they've fooled me. Because sometimes, just sometimes, it's okay to not let someone know you're on to them, so that they can be comfortable in a situation.
When I was researching this topic I came across this, and I think it is brilliant: Face Time With Sharon. It's a whole blog of this woman making different faces and talking about them. I haven't even scratched the surface, but I am mighty impressed. What a great idea!
I for one don't care if my face "betrays" me because I am an honest person with nothing to hide. If you say something and I make a fooch face (thank you Marcella for letting me steal this awesome term) it is because I don't agree with what you are saying. And I don't care if you know I am disagreeing with what you are saying. I have an EXTREMELY expressive face. My eyebrows raise and lower independently of one another and I can make some really strange expressions. I like this about myself. I am okay with my face twisting in to a, "Oooh, did you really just say that out loud?" face. I am okay with making a disapproving look while you are talking about the umpteenth time you have yelled at your boyfriend. I have no problem with people knowing how I really feel about something. But most people do. To those people I just have to say, "Dude, you're not fooling anyone. Just be yourself. Tell the truth and when you have to lie to save someone's feelings, do so with grace and dignity." There is no one on earth that would rather hear, "Oh, I was going to do _________ after I ________" than, "Oh shit I totally forgot. I'm sorry. What was it you needed me to do again?"
I leave you with a song I haven't been able to get out of my head lately, and a picture of me making a, "I am scared you just said that out loud" face. It ain't pretty, but it is amusing.(Look at the eyebrow! How does it even get up that high?)
Murdery City Devils - 18 Wheels
I prefer the truth to a white lie any day, even if it will upset me which is why most people tell the "white lie." A lie is a lie. End of story.
ReplyDeleteAs for reading people? I can't. At least not people I don't know well. I'm probably not paying attention. Or maybe I'm just shallow.
And did you know that there are three creepy people watching you over your shoulder in that photo? Freaked me out just a bit.
I do too. But I also respect that some people, even most I'd dare to say, do not really want the truth. They want some sort of reinforcement that they are right, or what they are wearing is cute. In those instances I sometimes think telling the truth is self-serving, and may not be the right thing to do. It's all situational. Nothing is black or white.
ReplyDeleteI admit I pay a little too much attention. It's one of my obsessions. I am enthralled by other people's behavior and what makes them tick. It made me VERY good at manipulating people. I try not to do it now, but sometimes I catch myself still doing it.
That's the scariest painting in the world, and I love it. It's in my guest room. I wonder why my guests always choose to sleep on the couch? Haha.
This is why I'm just a cartoon. It's hard to know what a cartoon is thinking. Unless there's a thought-bubble overhead.
ReplyDeleteEspecially a STICK FIGURE cartoon. Other cartoons you can read their expressions.
ReplyDeleteYou are one sneaky sumbitch!
I bet your wife can totally read your like a book though. At least a comic book. :)
My face betrays me every time. That's why I don't lie, because I can't. If I could tame this face of mine, I'd be a politician.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you hit on something I love, a first date going south. If there were a TV show that secretly taped first dates going badly, I'd watch. Not those staged ones like Blind Date, I mean like for real bad first dates. Might mean there's something sadistic about me, but we all get our entertainment from strange places, no?
I have a keen poker face. I don't lie anymore, but I am damn good at it.
ReplyDeleteWe should start a show. Plant cameras with mics in restaurants. If we catch any horrible first dates, you offer the people a fee and have them sign a release. It would be the world's greatest reality show. We'd be billionaires!
I like to watch people's faces when I talk to people too, you're right it says a lot. I've found these days though my eye gets slightly twitchy when I talk to people...I always wonder what they think of that. Not a lot, but just slightly (I think it's the med condition).
ReplyDeleteA bit off topic but at Kidlet #1's science fair this year there was a girl who did her project on handwriting analysis and lying. As we were about to walk away I told her, "Keep this project, it might come in handy when you start dating and have a boyfriend." :) Hey, it might!
i love watching people and reading situations. i LOATHE being watched! i do not have a poker face, and that can be problematic at times.
ReplyDeletemy boss lies a lot, and he KNOWS i know it, and i can't exactly call him out on his shit if i want to keep this job. annoying! most liars really don't fool many people!
@Ally,
ReplyDeleteI get really dry eyes a ton and I could care less if people think I'm lying 'cause I blink too much. haha. That was terrible advice! If you're in a relationship where you think you need to analyze your partner's handwriting, get out immediately. You're insecure and should be single. Haha (Same thing I say to girls who check their boyfriend's emails, texts, etc)
@droll,
I tend to get watched a lot because I'm very animated. I am not a liar so watch away! As for your boss, that is a tough one. I can call my boss out 'cause we have that kind of relationship. I'll look at her and be like, "I know you have 15 minutes for me right now. Don't try and say different!" But she's not a liar at all. It's just that she doesn't like to be the one slashing everyone's budget stuff. She'd rather be able to say, "Melanie did it. I didn't have time to meet with her." haha.
Did you ever see the movie with Steve Carrel and Tina Fey? There is a scene where they are sitting in a restaurant and Tina Fey makes up a whole story about a couple on a date. It's so funny!! Totally reminded me on that scene while this post.
ReplyDeleteI have one of those faces that hides nothing! You know exactly what I am thinking at all times. hahahahaha
I did watch that movie, as horrible as it was. When they did that I laughed because I do that ALL THE TIME.
ReplyDeleteI'll make up whole stories about what people are talking about, talk in weird voices, and whatnot. I have done that since I was in grade school.
I can hide things if I want to, I just usually don't care to.
I love how you put it: "I respect that some people, even most I'd dare to say, do not really want the truth."
ReplyDeleteThat's something that I've struggled with in the past, because I didn't understand it. Now I understand a little better, and while it's difficult, I can accept it. For me...I prefer the truth. I seek it. That's a very Sagittarian trait of mine.
And my memory is WAY too bad to be a liar. Haha.
I prefer the truth as well. But I've learned that me telling the truth is more self-serving than I'd care to admit sometimes. So I try to be thoughtful about why I'm being so honest. It's okay to hold back in certain moments.
ReplyDelete