Bass Ackwards

So I've always known there are a ton of unhealthy people out there. People who dislike themselves so much they have to tear others down. People who need affirmation so badly they are willing to do things they do not want to just to be accepted.

I have seen and heard a lot of ugly stories since I have been in the poly community. Stories of people coming in and trying to usurp primary relationships. This means that a man or woman is married or has a live in partner, and you come in as a girlfriend/boyfriend. Then instead of respecting the relationship status of others, you try to get more and more attention from people. You are so needy you don't take anyone else's feelings in to consideration. It's selfish and it doesn't work. And if you don't like yourself and respect others enough that you behave in this fashion, you need to take a step back and figure out why it is that this is your issue before you date.

An even more concerning issue to me is that women will hit on my boyfriends (and other poly friends I know) when they're out and about. They wear wedding rings. Once the people hitting on them find out they are in open relationships they want nothing to do with them. But when they thought they could hook up with a person who would cheat on their spouse dishonestly, they were all go. What the hell is wrong with people?
My boyfriends laugh it off, but as a woman who respects other women, I don't find it so amusing. I have cheated on one person in my entire life. I felt so guilty that I broke up with him a week later, figuring that if I didn't love him enough to remain faithful, I didn't need to be with him. Even when I was boozing it up and doing tons of drugs, I didn't have the capacity to be dishonest that some people do. Because in the end, you wake up and have to be able to live with yourself. Sometimes I don't know how some people can live with themselves.

I think in any relationship, whether it be a friendship or romantic, you need to communicate regularly and openly about EVERYTHING. You can not bitch about something to your friends about your significant other and hope it'll be fixed, if you haven't communicated it directly to your significant other. I see so many people who talk about problems in their relationship, when they've never talked about it to the person they need to be talking to about those problems. If you are afraid to offend or lose someone because you say something is bothering you, then maybe you shouldn't be with them in the first place. Yes, you can vent to people about issues you have and maybe just that little vent is all you needed and you're fine. If not, you need to take the next step and talk it out. Sometimes it is hard. But I find it is ALWAYS better and a huge sigh of relief to get things out in the open. Then, if things don't get better you know you have given it a shot, and maybe things just aren't working out and it's time to move on. But so many people get to the move on mindset, before they do the talking first. If you skip that step you will never be happy. Not ever.

When people ask me out now the first thing I say is, "I would love to go out with you if the fact that I have two boyfriends and am in open relationships does not bother you." That is usually all it takes for men to back off. And that's great. Monogamy works for some people. It didn't work for me. But I won't even go on a date with someone now unless I am very up front with where I'm at in life. I don't think it's fair to go on a date with a monogamous person, and maybe they like you, then you spring on them, "By the way, I have two boyfriends. SURPRISE BITCHES!!!" So I now only date poly fellas. And I generally only date poly fellas who are already in primary relationships, as I am not at all interested in having a primary relationship. I don't want a husband, or a cohabitational situation. I want what I have right now. It works for me.

I am step by step getting more healthy in my interactions with others. I sometimes feel or see my insecurities coming out in regard to my shared boyfriends. But it happens rarely and when it does I am quick to notice and apologize for it, hoping to not do it again.

Happy picture of the day: I want to be a unicorn for this reason exactly.