The Secret Life of Boring People

Do y'all know Kianwi over at Simply She Goes? Well, if not you better get over there and check her out. Not only is she one of my favorite blogging gal pals who I feel blessed and honored to get to email and text from time to time, but she is also one of the best writers in the blogosphere. Yes, I'm definitely biased because I love her to bits, but I kid you not that you will be better off for following her blog. NOW DO IT! Anyways, the reason I mention her is we were chatting about how we often observe boring people in the public sphere, and wonder what they're like at home. They can't always be that boring and subdued right?

Option number 1: We sit outside the window of a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in the suburbs. We are viewing the Borings in their natural habitat. They get home from work in their beige, sensible sedan. The garage door opens to expose a very tidy parking area, with bikes hung from the ceiling which never get ridden, and various tools in cabinets that the husband does not even know how to use. The couple gets out of the vehicle and walks in to settle and put their things in their respective "where things belong" places. Hubby asks what wifey would like to have for dinner. He makes a sensible salad and some chicken. They eat their meals in front of episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. They turn in at 10, give each other a smooch, then roll over to their respective sleep areas.

Option number 2: Same couple pulls in same home, with same car and same garage. They walk in the house and immediately clothes are strewn about so the couple can change in to their bondage gear. Wifey is ball gagged and tied to an X plank. Hubby tells her she can't eat until he raises welts on her back that bleed. He takes the ball gag out and tells wifey to beg to be whipped, as she has been a bad girl. She does. Hubby has a large bull whip and stands back about ten feet. He whips her until she bleeds. After they are done he wraps her in a blanket and tells her he loves her. They go to the kitchen and eat sandwiches, both exhausted from their efforts. They go to bed snuggled up, and fall asleep quickly.

Option number 3: Same couple, same home, but they have stopped to get some Chipotle on the way home 'cause no one feels like cooking. They walk in and put on the iHome to The Smiths and start kitchen dancing as they unpack the food and start setting the table. They eat while telling silly stories of their day and laughing heartily. "Today Fred tried to get mad at me for filling his cubicle with packing peanuts while he was gone. I helped him clean up. You should've seen his face!" They are madly in love. Their work lives are unfulfilling so they see no reason to let those folks know how fun and smart they really are. They save that for each other and their friends when they are away from work. They put on a dvr'ed episode of Dexter and snuggle. They go to bed and have amazing sex before turning in for the evening.

I just can't believe that all the people you see out and about that seem like a huge yawnfest, are all like option number 1. I know they aren't. I am so nosey I would like to be a fly on the wall of some of these houses, to see what really goes on when people think no one is watching. That would be interesting to say the least.

Happy picture of the day: Diane Arbus. Her photography changed my life. I love her.

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