Personal Choice

I spent many years having to learn that the most important decisions in life usually include some sort of a trade off. You are usually giving up one thing, in place of another. So it's vitally important that the choices you make, are the ones that are most true to yourself and what you really want to do. I know people get sick and tired of hearing the phrase, "Be your authentic self" but you know what? I find that that sentence is really important. Of all the miserable people I see in the world, the most miserable are the ones that do things for others, or make choices to make someone else happy, when it goes against what they truly want to do. I'm not saying you can never make a choice to make someone else happy, but you have to make sure it's a decision you are making not to ONLY make someone else happy. It has to align with your wants and beliefs.

Most of my friends who have children I never hear complaining of the time they lose getting to hang out with friends, because they have kids. They wanted children and they realize it's a decision they made to raise a family so having to give up a year or two of self time was totally worth it to them. Then as the kids get older and they can get a babysitter from time to time they do so. When I see people getting mad because their baby takes up so much time, or they don't get to do the things they want to do, I have to wonder why they had a child in the first place. Did they not think it through? Did they do it to make someone else, or society as a whole, happy? I think if you want to be a parent, the trade off is definitely worth it. If you are complaining all of the time about your children you need to seriously take a step back and think about your choices and why you made them. Then you'll probably take some personal responsibility and maybe some of that anger would go away. I'm not saying there aren't days where people can't pull their hair and go, "God damn my kids are annoying me today!" That's totally normal. But if your children make you unhappy more than they make you happy, that makes me sad. There are SO MANY reasons I never wanted kids. And I never complain about the choice I have made, because it was the right one for me.

I gave up working in a profession I was really good at, that I loved, because I wanted to make more money and lay down roots and buy a home. Since I never wanted to marry or cohabitate, if I wanted to do this it was all on me. The trade off to take a job in an office environment was more than worth it. I went years without health care. I lived paycheck to paycheck in living situations with people who it was really not healthy for me to be around. I was constantly at odds living with others because of my need for an orderly, clean environment. Although I may joke and bitch about my cubicle dwelling self, for the most part I am grateful that I have a job that affords me my home and all of the amenities within. I am blessed and lucky. Sometimes I'll see a cute child on the street and for a fleeting moment I will miss working with children. But then I'll quickly come back to reality. I make the best of my career even though at times it seems unfulfilling. Soon I will have a new job. And then after that I'll move on to another. One of the great things about state service is getting to be slightly nomadic. You don't like a position? You can apply and move on to a different one.

Of all the things I have done in my life the one that served me the most was finally embracing who I truly was. Understanding that I don't have to feel guilty for any of my life choices, as long as I was making them based on fulfillment of self and they weren't hurting others. Of course, some of my choices are going to not benefit others as much as they benefit me. And that's okay. I have embraced my inner weirdo. I have embraced my inner non-monogamous person. I have embraced my inner Fiestaware collector. I have embraced so much more. I am really happy that I am living a life that is 100% me. That I can love and care for others, but not at the expense of giving up any portion of self. I think everyone could do it if they just stopped giving a shit about what neighborhood they were in, what care they drove, what people would think of them if they didn't get married and have babies, etc. Do what you need to do to wake up feeling fulfilled and happy every day. That's really the only requirement.

Happy picture of the day: this is one of my favorite PostSecrets of all time. I completely agree with what this card says. If you want to be happy, it's as simple as choosing to make that happen.