Because I'm Evil

Sometimes my sense of humor borders on the absurd. Sometimes I do things simply because I know it'll make someone uncomfortable, but not in a really bad way. Sometimes I will purposely do things because I know someone is being disingenuous. Sometimes I don't care if anyone else thinks something I do is amusing, as long as I find it amusing. This is going to be one of the most random all over the place posts you'll ever read, because that's how my brain is working today. You are welcome.

The other day at work a man who I always see in the hallways asked, "How are you doing?" Now, I don't know why I hate this practice but I do. 99.9% of the time when someone asks this question they just want you to lie and say, "Fine." I have stopped doing that. I think someone should just say, "Good morning" if they don't honestly want to know how you are doing. So on this day I led off with a, "Well, I haven't been feeling all that well. Then on top of that my job is a little more than tiresome. Also, my mortgage just jumped up a substantial amount. So I'm fair to middlin' I expect." Yes, I talk like someone from the 1800s from time to time. The look on his face the whole time I was talking was PRICELESS. It was shock combined with, "Oh shit! How long is this bitch gonna babble?" Note to everyone: if you don't want to know how someone is doing, don't ask.

I don't try and create enemies amongst my friends. There are plenty of people my friends like, who I do not. I always bite my tongue and act kindly when the people I don't care for are brought up. But I sometimes get a sick sort of satisfaction when the person I don't like shows their true colors and someone says, "Oh god, you were right. That person is a douche canoe." If I don't like someone I am very honest about it. I will say, "Yeah, there is just something about them that leads me to believe I should avoid them. So I do" then I leave it at that. I know that evil people will always be their own undoing.

I am still shocked that there are people who blame why their life is shit on their upbringing. I really loathe excuses. And as I've said before, even though I sometimes feel evil for doing so, "There is always someone out there who has been through way more than you have, and achieved far greater." Stop whining and be a better person if you want to be. If you're content being a loser, that's awesome too. It seems like there are an awful lot of folks out there content to be totally mediocre. You're in great company. Okay, not great, but you're in a lot of company. Like, I don't mean to sound paranoid, but you are literally SURROUNDED by people just like you.

There is a woman at work who is constantly head down, texting down the hallway, going in to the bathroom. She takes the phone in the stall with her while continuing to text and sometimes calls people. I have dubbed her "fecal phone" and the name is catching on. Do I feel guilty that someone at work is now known as "fecal phone" thanks to me? Barely. I moreso wish people would stop doing that. I will never shake her hand, nor will I eat anything she's ever brought in to the office or a potluck. If I want to eat shitty food I'll go to Applebee's. Bad pun...sue me.

My new housemate came home after I had already gone to bed last night. When I woke up there was 200 bucks on the coffee table. He texted me at 10 a.m. "I see you got the money. I'm headed to Santa Cruz tonight so I'll see you tomorrow." He is my favorite kind of roomie: totally invisible one who leaves me money. I think I can get used to this.

Happy picture of the day: I have this Breakfast at Tiffany's doll. I actually have another one of her in a pink dress too. It's nice to know if I am ever really desperate, I can sell these on eBay for 100 bucks. That will never happen, but it's nice to know anyways.