I met up with Kris last night. He's a 27 year old fella from the UK who came here to check things out because he's thinking of relocating to the states. He was staying with a friend for free, but then the friend needed to take in another friend so Kris was going to be moved to the couch for a month. Not wanting to live in someone's living room, he put a message up on Couchsurfing.com that he was looking for a place to stay until February 21st and could help out with rent. He really didn't want to go home early but that was his other option. So I will have a housemate for a month, starting Monday. This should be REALLY interesting. I do not share space well. I like my things very much just so, and I am extremely tidy. But the extra money I'm going to get from him will lift some of my stresses, so it's worth it. He seems very nice and I think we'll do just fine.
I have been mulling over taking in a full time roommate for a year. But the more I think about it, the more I know I just can't do it. I will just make it work and cut some more corners. I get my tax return next month, and that can help with the finances until I get my step raise in April. But hopefully I won't get that step raise 'cause I'll actually have a new job by then. I have been applying like mad and still not even an interview. But I'm gonna keep plugging on.
The outpouring of texts, emails, and kind comments these last few days has meant so much to me. I'm still feeling really stressed and freaked out, but it's nothing like the place I was in on Tuesday. There is a glimmer of hope starting to rise in my heart. I didn't sleep for shit last night and I'm exhausted, but at least I don't think I am going to burst in to tears every other second, so that's nice.
I meditated last night for the first time in far too long. I centered myself and when I was done I made a list of all the things I am grateful for, which is a very large list. I am not embarrassed about my freak out. I'm actually kind of proud of it. I didn't hold it in and keep it a secret. While I am very open and honest on here, because it feels safe, I am not very open when I'm vulnerable with my friends in real life. I usually just pretend I'm totally fine, and cry by myself at home. I now realize that sucks way worse than just letting it all out and getting some feedback and support.
We are not going to be able to do the blogger get together in a few months. I talked with Heather and some of the other gals and financially it's just not really an option for any of us right now. But just know, any time any of you want to come to Northern California there is a great guest room with your name on it. We could go to San Francisco for a day and run around some really cool places in Sacramento. I just can't even think about trying to save up money for a trip right now. Maybe next year. Maybe when I actually get my promotion and make enough money to not be strapped at the end of the month. Great, now Bob Marley is out of my head but I am envisioning strap-ons. Oh, my brain!
Happy picture of the day: this. Because this will always make me laugh.
I'm so happy to the fog is lifting for you!
ReplyDeleteYou remind me so much of my sister Adrienne- She is in the same position, trying to make the bills on her house, alone, really not wanting to take in a room-mate, but seeing no other way around it. I wish so badly I was in a position to help her out, but because I am not able to work, we are strapped. Which really sucks-
Let me know how the couch surfing turns out. Fingers crossed he's a super clean guy and it works out well for the pair of you!
It's a tough position to be in. If your sister is anything like me she wouldn't take your financial help even if you could afford it. I will rarely even let the boyfriends pay for my dinner. A lot of my pride rests on being self reliant.
DeleteI think it's going to work out great. He's a nice guy and the first thing he said when he walked in was that he always tidied up the house he was staying in and did dishes. :)
Living with a Brit eh? Well good luck with that one...I'm just kidding!
ReplyDeleteIt is a tough time for all. At the moment, my choices are feed the Spawn or pay bills and keeping my child alive, always wins out...no matter that we may not have a roof over our heads.
Glad to hear that there is a little bit of hope starting to rise in your heart, for without hope, what is there?
The moment I saw his message I immediately thought of you and Ash, and how I desperately want to take a trip and meet you both.
DeleteI haven't had to skip any bills yet, but the utilities may get skipped next month. Here you can go about three months before things get turned off. So doubling up in March may be an option.
It's weird, I know you're in a place that could stand a lot of tweaking for comfort, but I still I'm kinda jealous of you. Your posts tell of so much FORWARD MOTION in your life. New jobs, british stranger sharing your toilet for a month...hell even being piss poor for a bit. Your life is not dull. Your life is happening. (Says a woman safely from her couch...who may know precisely dick about your life, actually.) Thanks for tolerating my comments :)
ReplyDeleteNo way dude, he's got his own toilet!! I have a 2 bed, 2 bath. I hate sharing bathrooms! Haha
DeleteThanks. I'm way more someone that is doing, than someone who is just being. But sometimes I need to remember to slow down and just be.
I love your comments. :)
Sounds like you're in better spirits, and that's great. You're not alone in hating Bob Marley...and I like weed, a lot, but not Bob Marley.
ReplyDeleteDon't freak out the first time he doesn't wash a dish. It will be okay. But if he clips his toenails in a communal area, you are cleared for murder.
Also, I have to take issue with your use of the phrase "cool places in Sacramento." I'll believe that when I see it.
At the house he's currently at he washes THEIR dishes.
DeleteI have friends from New York and SF that had to eat their anti-Sacramento snobbery words when I took them on a tour.
In high school I swore I had to get out of here. Now I wouldn't live anywhere else. I love my Sacramento, which has nothing to do with track homes, chain restaurants, malls, or any of that other nonsense.
i am way behind on your blog! sorry! work is HELL -- two focacta art fairs in the works. i hope you are ok. i hope this guy is ok, and i know we all could use some extra cash to ease the stresses of life. hope a new job comes your way soon. i could use one of those too! :)
ReplyDeleteYou just made the world a better place by using the word "focacta."
DeleteI need a new job badly. The two women I work most closely with are energy vampires.
This probably won't help, because all you humans seem completely different from each other, but I have a friend with anxiety issues, and only a fraction of the personableness you display and portray, who also decided to to start accepting couchsurfers - and he loved the experience.
ReplyDeleteJust remember this is your home, it's your castle, and you can never be the weird one in your own home. Don't worry about being weird, or getting self-conscious about having someone invading your space, because he's the interloper. It's your world, and you should rule it proudly.
Incidentally, from this experience my friend later went on to get a flatmate, again for financial reasons, and he did okay with it.
Anyway, whatever happens, good luck with it!
I love how you wrote, "all you humans." You kill me Ash. I took in the cats to help with my anxiety stuff and it worked. Taking in people for bits of time here and there was the next logical step. I have decided I'm going to tough it out sans roommate but having Kris here is going to be fun.
DeleteThat sounds like a great way to test the waters of having a housemate. At least if it doesn't work out, he's only going to be there for a month.
ReplyDeleteExactly! And I can tell he's going to be an extraordinary housemate so it's not a very good test. When it's not your house and you are just a guest, you take way better care of stuff.
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