Applying For Jobs Is Worse Than Dating

I have been steadily applying for employment for well over six months, and have only gotten one interview. Noticing this and being the go for it bitch that I am, I decided to start playing the game. I now alter my application according to what I'm applying for rather than just being honest. Also, I have started writing cover letters. I thought I'd copy and paste one here for your amusement.

May 10, 2013

Re: SSMI

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm contacting you in regards to the SSMI position at the Department of Motor Vehicles. I am very interested in interviewing for the position.

My relevant qualifications include: four years of supervisory experience in after school programs, contract and program monitoring,  reviewing and submitting school board items and waivers, budget monitoring, and procurement. I was responsible for tracking a Federal Grant budget while at the California Department of Public Health (CDPH) and was also the training coordinator there. I also was solely responsible for completing purchase order requests, reviewing and sending out the purchase order, checking in items when they arrived, and paying the invoices for said purchases while at CDPH.

I have many qualities that would make me a great candidate for this position. I am a good listener and am solutions oriented. I have a keen ability to multi-task and make sure that I meet deadlines. I also am a people person and am interested in seeking out the strengths in my employees to make their tasks more manageable. I try and make every day in the cubicle as enjoyable as possible for everyone. I believe a smile and an encouraging word can make the workplace more productive and a place people want to come to when they get up in the morning.

With my skill set and proven track record, I can be a valuable addition to the Department of Motor Vehicles. I can be reached for an interview at your convenience.

Thanks in advance for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,

Melanie *****

 

Seriously, if this part didn't make you want to stab yourself in the face, I don't know why you even read my blog: "I try and make every day in the cubicle as enjoyable as possible for everyone. I believe a smile and an encouraging word can make the workplace more productive and a place people want to come to when they get up in the morning." *H U R L*

Happy picture of the day. Deja, my badass pit bull. And by badass I mean bad and asshole. But I still love her. Of course, I had to click this picture before making a stern face and yelling, "Bad dog. Get off the couch!"

I couldn't center the picture and just gave up. Much like I've given up trying to keep her ass off the couch.