Blogcation Ending Early

So after a horrible, rough, depressing few days I decided no blogcation. Or much shortened blogcation. And then the promise to myself that if I don't want to post every weekday, that's okay. I can go ahead and just write when I feel like I need to get something out, on no particular schedule. Which may not work as part of my obsessive behavior is scheduling EVERYTHING. We'll see. At any rate, I'm back bitches! I don't mind writing honest and truthful, but I most certainly didn't want weeks worth of me bitching and ranting, and I feared that was what would happen, since I'm in a mighty funk and don't see the end of it anywhere near. I'm just going to ride it out and yell out "Weeeee!" when it gets super fun.

I went to a doctor's appointment Friday and had a test done to make sure my fallopian tubes are fully blocked, so I could go off the pill. As I know how fast my body heals, I was sure my scarring would have occurred around the springs, and I would have a now non baby bearing uterus (for those of you who are new, you can see the story here.) I was right! I am officially now non-fertile, and I couldn't be happier. I celebrated by making a good friend ribeye steaks and broccolini with baked potatoes. So good. Thanks to Bradley for coming over to celebrate with me. It's a huge step and one I'm glad I was finally able to take.

I made the mistake of thinking that since I didn't want to take Lunesta or any other sleeping pill, perhaps I should try good ol' THC to help with my sleeping problems. Umm, no. I want to sleep. I don't want to feel weird, then fall asleep, then sleep 12 hours, then wake up so groggy I can't function until noon. I know this stuff has many medically helpful purposes, it's just not for me. Good lord, what a strange and wild trip that was. I do NOT like feeling altered since my sobriety. I have found that Norco is the only pill I can take for my back that doesn't make me feel loopy, so for now that's all I'm taking. Maybe I can try some Xanax or Ativan for my anxiety in the next few months. I've taken a half of a Xanax once and I found that it really helped. I didn't feel strange or altered, but I didn't want to punch everyone around me in the mouth either. See, when my anxiety hits I don't get scared or sweaty. I go straight to angry and wanting to kill every person around me. Not good at all.

I am going to be having dinner with Rich on Sunday night. I don't know if it has been long enough, and if it is awkward when we hang out I'll give it a little more time, but I REALLY miss having him around as a friend. He wasn't a great boyfriend, but he WAS a good friend. I don't want to lose that. He is going through some family stuff and I know he doesn't have many friends around here so I told him I'm here any time he needs to talk. I won't know if it's a bad idea 'til I see him in person. I am really lucky in that my logic always wins over emotions, so I can detach pretty quickly from stuff emotionally, if I know something isn't working. Or maybe I detach too quickly. At any rate, it works for me.

I got my copy of Let's Pretend This Never Happened on my Kindle yesterday, which is nice 'cause I just can't get in to Damned, so I'm going to put it aside. There are Jenny Lawson lovers, and there are detractors. I tend to think she has earned all of the hype she has received. She writes REAL, and she may be the only person on earth weirder than me. Plus, she doesn't shy away from writing about her depression and anxiety, which I find very refreshing. I look forward to this book, and am betting it'll be just what I needed to lift my spirits.

Okay, that's enough for today. Happy picture of the day: me on the bed with Molly. I really like the lighting in this picture.