You see, if I do something that I don't like, I need to say I'm sorry in order to try and fix that behavior. Even if that behavior or something I said flew right past you, I still need to say sorry for it.
This weekend with Unicorn he had his phone in his hand a lot. It bothered me. I made a few cracks at him about how he was in love with his phone. It was all very childish and dumb. So last night on the phone I apologized for it. I told him that it really doesn't negatively effect me in any way if he is always checking his email or whatever, and I need to accept him for who he is or move along. He said it was no big deal. But to me, it was. Now, if he had been doing that while we were in the middle of a conversation or something, I would've just said, "Please don't do that while we're talking." But he didn't. He just did it while we were sitting watching tv, or sitting staring off in to space. What he was doing was in no way inconsiderate or rude.
I find that a lot of the things that bother us in others, are a reflection of things we don't like about ourselves. I have been thinking about how reliant I have become on my iPhone, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. So like a good deflecting American I have been rude to other people about it. It took me saying stupid shit this weekend, to realize I need to work my shit out instead of being lame to other people because of it.
I am really happy I'm so self aware now. It usually only takes me one or two days of doing something ridiculous, before I see it and can go, "Wow Melanie, you're being idiotic" and fix it. It's a nice place to be. When I look at the larger picture, of all the bad traits a boyfriend can have, playing with their smart phone too much is so unimportant. I need to step back and be a big picture person. I am no longer one to look for any and all excuses to dump someone before they can hurt me. I know I was guilty of that in the past. I'm glad I'm no longer that person. Because Unicorn is good, and I want him to be around a while. And the stuff I'm working on to keep him around for a while, will also help in all my other relationships.
Happy picture of the day: the place we ate dinner at on Saturday is near a cemetery. When we parked I looked across the street and saw a bunch of tombstones. It was morbid and fabulous. I was tempted to jump the fence and write, "Your name here" on all of them. But I didn't.
I think knowing how to accept an apology without it coming off as dismissive is a bit of a lost skill. Good on you for doing the right thing, though!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'd have been tempted to write "Help, they buried me alive" one those stones!
Sometimes apologizing is more important to the apologizer than the apologizee. It sounds like this relationship is headed in a good direction!
ReplyDelete@Kellie,
ReplyDeleteSo true! It's almost as bad as people who can't take a compliment.
Haha! That's a good thing to write on a tombstone.
@Kianwi,
That's right. I apologize if I know I've hurt someone, but I also apologize if I did something I'm ashamed of, that may not have bothered someone at all.
It's taken me years to figure that out but I finally realized when I'm easily annoyed by someone, it's because they remind me so much of me. Crap!
ReplyDeleteI'll send you a can of spray paint if you'll go back to the tombstones.
Right? It's not true 100% of the time but it's true a lot of the time.
ReplyDeleteI am so tempted by those tombstones you don't even know.
a very wise observation indeed...
ReplyDelete