I also have this sick thing in my head where I feel like I have to post here every day, so I'm going to work on that. I'm only going to write when I need to get something out or really feel like I have something to say. I'm going to try not having a posting schedule at all. I realize this will hurt the blog and I'm okay with that. I just know if I say I'm taking a break, I start to feel guilty and I post the same day. And if I say I need to stick to a schedule, I start to resent that. So I'm just now going with sometimes I'll post every weekday. Sometimes I'll post once a week. I don't even know at this point. I just don't want this to feel like an obligation. It is something I have taken on as a tool to help. It doesn't need to have become the added stress that it has.
I know that I plan on spending at least one day a week with each of the boyfriends, and one or two days a week with friends. But I need to remember to have at least one weekend day to myself, and one work evening. So that's what I am working on. I am so good at giving advice to people on how to simplify and de-stress. I haven't been taking my own advice lately, and it's taking its toll. I had to stay home from work Friday because I was exhausted. That exhaustion turned in to me being physically ill and vomiting for about three hours. I can't let that happen anymore. I need to slow down.
I am applying to a new job today, and another one later this week. I have been doing so regularly so I can hopefully get in to a position where I feel more useful, and more of a fit. I know that going to a job I don't like every day is taking its toll on me. And I don't know how much longer I can do it. I give myself six more months of applying for promotion and if I don't get it, I'm going to start applying for just my same position, in other agencies and divisions. I know that my head space lately has been in a huge part due to not loving what I do. So I'm working on fixing that.
Sorry about the whiny post. I just don't feel well and it took everything I had today to get out of bed, even though I went to sleep before 9 last night. I hate feeling this way, but it's just where I am right now.
Happy picture of the day: I made really yummy cheeseburgers on Saturday for Matt and I. I think it may be the reason he told me that he loved me that night. Okay, maybe not, but they were damn good burgers.
You never have to feel guilty about posting less often. Sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries or step away for a bit and live your life and let the posts come to you, you know? As someone who's had many jobs I absolutely dreaded, I feel you on that issue. It's so important to do something in life that makes you happy. I wish you much success in that area. Feel better. And that burger? It's making me hungry. And on Fiesta Ware! I collect it too. Which color is that? I have red, but not a deep red like that. I love that.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely slowing down on the posting.
DeleteAs for the job, I will try and keep my chin up 'til I get something better.
It's burgundy. I just got a new lemongrass set Saturday. :)
For sure, if you need to post less, then do! I've never known how you managed it. Twice a week is more than enough for me. I know I will not grow my blog that way, but I just have fun posting and having conversations with my regulars. Not to say I dont enjoy new readers, though :) I just dont want it to be a chore. So do what is right for you!
ReplyDeleteAs far as plans, I totally understand. I get really anxious when my weekends are completely booked. That is why I did nothing in Sat but stay home and I loved it!
I am planning on posting far less. But I'm sure some weeks it'll still be every day. My brain is full of nonsense.
DeleteI could care less about growing it. I just don't want to do a disservice to the readers I already have.
I had Sunday to myself. It was much needed.
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ReplyDeleteIt's not whiny, it's honest. All of us have a list of "shoulds," and while some of them are important and part of being a responsible adult, most of them are unnecessary obligations that we put upon ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hear you on the work thing. I'm great a balance and being Zen outside of work, but the second I walked in this morning I was already a mess. Ugh.
If I were honest every post for the past week would've been whiny. Like you, it's hard for me to put it out there when I'm feeling weak or needy. And that's how I have been feeling lately. And for no good reason, because everything is going well in my life right now.
ReplyDeleteI hate coming in to work. I literally have gotten to the point where I hate it. It's taking its toll. I will get out of here soon. I just need to focus on that.
Yeah, I don't know how you've kept up your pace this long without burning out. I think your prioritization process is super healthy. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling burnt out. Sunday I think I was only fully awake about four hours total. I just kept putting on movies, then falling back asleep. I felt guilty, until I realized my body just probably really needed it. So I went with it.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks. I feel like such a stick in the mud right now. I have two super awesome boyfriends, and some great friends. I need to focus on that. My life is in a good place. I just don't feel like it is.
Even with 2 of us, there's no way we can post every day. We tried that when we first started the blog, and just got burned out. Now posting twice a week works so much better. So post however much or however little you want... in the end, if you're burned out, then the quality of the post is gonna suffer.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. I feel like I've been phoning it in lately and the quality of the posts just isn't where I'd like them to be. Better to slow down and only post when it really feels important to, rather than needing to stick to some sort of schedule.
ReplyDeleteThis wasn't whiny at all. I think you're just being open and honest about how you feel and what you need for yourself. I had to cut back on posting daily too. It didn't hurt my blog at all. We like to read you and we will see you when you post. Enjoy your boyfriends and your friends!
ReplyDeleteThanks Elsie! I put the pressure on myself. It's totally all my fault and I know it.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I am with you on this post. So much so, that I too, took Friday to be at home because I was so exhausted by Thursday evening, I cried. Cried, and could barely drive home from the office I was so physically and mentally spent. I know where you're coming from on this one. Too many days of working LOOOOOONG hours (being new to full-time with three new class preps is KEEELING ME!!), staying up until 2, getting up at 5, reading, studying, researching until my eyes bug out and my butt is numb from sitting. ACK! I was laid out on the bed and/or couch much of Friday. I am still trying to get back up to par. I do hope we BOTH get a grip on knowing when to balance, and say no, and take breaks. I am a work-in-progress.
ReplyDeleteAs to the blogging, I have not ever tried to blog daily (except for my give-away challenge) and I couldn't imagine doing it every single day. It is an outlet for me, and something I look forward to right now - I don't want to burn out. I also don't want a schedule, although I have considered it. Like you, it just would seem too 'forced' and something I would probably come to resent and feel stress from in the long run. I roll with it right now, posting when I can, and when I get the notion and it seems to work. Those that truly are connected in some way to my blog continue to come by and continue to 'check in' despite my sporadic posting. I think you would have the same experience. I know I'll always drop by to see what Ms. Spork is up to! :)
Rest, dear friend!!
P.S. I don't blame you on the awards. Since I have limited the blogs I can realistically follow and interact with meaningfully, it does become a situation where I would be sending them to the same folks.
I work 40 hours a week and have plans almost every night. When I'm manic I get over excited and make plans. Then when it's over I'm like, "Shit. I made way too many plans." But I refuse to back out of plans unless it's unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteI need to just remember to not make so many plans. Which is hard, when you're manic. :)
I need to go back to having zero internet days outside of work. I used to do that a few times a week. It was nice.
Yeah, I can't do the awards anymore. It got to be too stressful. I totally love and appreciate getting them. But passing them on felt like chain mail, and having to post about them just started feeling insincere. So now I just thank people for them and that's it.
Yeah, just from how you sound in this post you really do need another break or two.
ReplyDeleteTry and take another Sunday off if you can? You're going to die younger at this rate.
I am slowing down for sure.
ReplyDeleteI have all this Saturday day to myself, and then just a brunch on Sunday. This week will be far more mellow than last week. And next week even moreso. I am not worried about dying young. I didn't even think I'd make it this long with how I have lived. So every day from here on out is to be lived, and is a blessing.
I hope you do manage to slow down and take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI understand the blogging guilt. It took me a bit to realize that I can't keep up with reading bloggers who post every day... so if I post every day, people probably aren't going to read everything I write anyway. Once a week works for me. Now I just feel guilty for not keeping up with the reading!
Since I left my husband, I've really started to understand how much alone time I need. So I try to structure my life around that. If anything, I need a kick to go out and be social more often.
I am totally slowing down. I had most of Sayurday to myself. This week I'm spending one night a week with each of my fellas and that's it. I plan on posting maybe twice this week.
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