So I'm now about 4 months in to being a poly lady and loving it. I have experienced mostly ups, a few downs, but mostly I have learned so much about the nature of people, and about myself. It's been a very nice journey and one I look forward to continuing on with for the rest of my life. I did it and it stuck. I'm glad I delved in to it and I can honestly say the relationship I'm in, and the new fella I'm dating make me very happy. I went through a break up last week. Totally for the best. And I'm ready to move forward.
Last night I went to a cocktail get together of poly ladies. We made drinks, shared stories, and had a great time. We went around the room and explained how long we've been poly, what our current relationship statuses were, and just laid a foundation so we knew who in the room we had the most common with. It was really interesting to hear all of the different ways people go about this, and what works for some people. I think I was the only one in the room who was in no way interested in having a primary relationship. I am most comfortable dating people who already have a wife or live in partner. That's just what works best for me.
There were some funny stories, some sad stories, and some enlightening stories about break ups and new relationships. My gal pal Nay yelled out for everyone to share a "happy poly story of the week." There were tales of women receiving flowers and a six pack of beer. I shared about the new guy I'm seeing who is seemingly a super awesome guy, and how much I love his wife and daughter. After the happy stories when we were all sharing what was going on in our lives one gal shared that her situation was in a strife mode and her husband was preparing to move out. All in all, it made me more aware that even though everyone's story is different, we women have so much more in common than we don't. And seeing all of these ladies get up to hug the one who was having a tough time even if last night was the first night they'd met her, made me happy to be a part of this community. Really happy.
I think about the fact that there are some people I can't be out to and it makes me sad. I think about the fact that I can't exclaim to my mom, "I'm finally happy mom. I've found my niche" because she still has such old fashioned ideals of what love is. I don't want to break her heart. But maybe someday before she leaves this world I will feel okay with telling her the truth. Two women at the cocktail party had come out to their parents this week, and both of those stories were good ones with the moms just wanting them to be happy. Unfortunately, I know that I have a mother who would rather pretend I had one awesome boyfriend, than a few. If she ever asks point blank I will tell her. But I know she never will. So she will always just get the, "I'm seeing a few people" answer to asking how my love life is. My love life is amazing.
I know that there are some people who are creating poly symposiums, and starting to work with youth who might thing they are in the wrong because they feel like they are in love with more than one person. I think that is awesome. Folks living outside the norm need support. I don't think I would be doing so well without other poly folks to talk to and share with. My friends have all been so awesome about everything. Some going so far as to say, "Dude, that totally makes sense for you. I'm glad you're happy." I am a lucky gal. I'm glad to be where I am today.
Nay gave me one of the best compliments ever when she said, "This woman can date anyone I love. She's got it right." Her husband Sean is my boyfriend. I love both of them to pieces.
Happy picture of the day: My xmas tree. Because it's the only thing about xmas I really give a shit about.
It's so great that you've found people you love! That's what family really is, isn't it.
ReplyDeleteIt is. I have always had a "chosen family" comprised of friends. I now just have a larger one.
Delete4 Months!!! I've definitely been away to long.
ReplyDeleteGonna shoot you an email. But Gmail hates me right now and people are complaining about not receiving my messages...which is probably a good thing.♥
You have been away far too long!
DeletePeople make fun that I still have an aol address, but you know what? I have never had a problem with people not getting emails. Take that gmail!!! :)
Yeah, I think I was away too long as well! Glad you've found what makes you happy. Sounds like a nice bunch of people.
ReplyDeleteYou were away longer than Lily. Please don't ever do that again. :)
DeleteThanks man. I am really happy. The group has its weirdos and assholes just like every other group, just not that many.
You would hope that whatever your choices were people, and especially family would say, "I'm really glad you're happy," or at least, "hey, as long as you're not hurting anyone." Well, even if you aren't able to tell your parents, at least you're happy, at least you found your niche. That in itself is tough to do.
ReplyDeleteYou would hope. My family just isn't like that. My mom is very much concerned with what random people on the street will think of her. I don't know where I came from. But I am happy, and that is really all that matters.
DeleteSpreading the love. That's what it's all about. I couldn't share my wife, and I know she'd stab a girl that even looked at me the wrong way, but if it works for other people, I think that's great. Sounds like a great party with some great people. I'm glad you're happy and it sounds like you're in a good place.
ReplyDeletehaha A Beer, most of my friends could never do this. In fact, the vast majority of my friends are in long term monogamous relationships. I'm glad you've found the one that makes you happy. I think that's really all we can hope for anyone: that they are doing something that doesn't hurt others that makes them have joy.
DeleteThanks. I am in a good place right now. I'm very glad.
I'm glad you found a place where you feel you belong. The bottom line is that you are happy. That's all that matters. Even if, sadly, other people can't be happy for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks jaybird!
DeleteSo glad you've found your thing. Mostly because it makes you happy, but also a tiny bit because I love hearing about it, because it fascinates me :)
ReplyDeleteLove your tree :) It's a happy one!
You hear more about it than most. I feel like you know me better than a lot of people here in town. :)
DeleteThanks. I love that tree! I had forgotten to water it since Saturday so the poor thing was bone dry this morning.
I love it! I'm completely nosey, so the more details, the better, ha ha :) I love hearing about lifestyles other than my own, especially those that would never work for me. I am reading a gay romance novel right now, and it is awesome :)
DeleteYou're a voyeur just like me. :)
Deletewell it is good that you found your niche! i think the goal is to be happy, and anything goes (ALMOST!) as long as you are not hurting anyone in the process. so yay for you.
ReplyDeletei don't think i have ever been able to tell the truth (or the whole truth) about any of my relationships to my parents. i lived with one bf for years, and my parents never knew. i just didn't want to hear that i shouldn't be living in sin, blah blah blah, so i just didn't tell them. and they didn't ask. lame, but whatever. do whatever works for you!
I am incredibly happy.
DeleteI'm going to make a new rule: when it cones to moms, 100% honesty just isn't necessary. :)
Really? All you care about is the tree?
ReplyDeleteI'm concerned about the awesome sales and discounts that are available online. :P
I don't buy xmas gifts for myself or anyone else so I don't even notice what's on sale.
DeleteI buy my mom and dad a gift certificate for a restaurant they like, and one exchange gift for our family party on xmas eve, and that's it.
You know...now you've got me thinking I should try this. Seriously. It would rather eliminate the feelings of failure because you can't make ONE relationship work out. Hmmm...maybe I'm not supposed to be in one relationship. Is anyone THE right person for you? I kind of doubt it. However, I would love to find a good roommate, but that's another subject.
ReplyDeleteI have never believed in the notion of "the one." This makes so much more sense for me than monogamy ever did. I've taken to it quite naturally and it just feels right.
DeleteMost of my friends are very happily monogamous. It just never really worked for me.