The Anti Ridiculous Person Society

It's my new club. Anyone can join, granted you aren't ridiculous in a bad way. If you are ridiculous in a good way, membership is free. If you are ridiculous in a bad way, the ridiculing is free, from those of us who are ridiculous in a good way. What? You aren't sure what ridiculous in a bad way is? Well, lucky for you I have a small list. It is totally a coincidence that these pertain to men on dating sites. Totally.

You might be ridiculous in a super bad not so good way if:

-You are willing to give up weekend time with your kids, to go on a date with me.

-You want me to meet your kids, way before it is apparent we will be together for a while and it's appropriate for me to meet your kids. Nothing says red flag like, "We just met. Hell yeah I want you to meet my offspring!"

-You have any pictures of yourself on a dating site, in a pirate outfit.

-You are shirtless taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror.

-You are fully clothed taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror.

-You hint around about "I'm going to be so bored this weekend. I have nothing to do" instead of just saying, "Would you like to go out this weekend?"

-You send a message with your number in the subject line, and the message is empty. And let's just go ahead and say I'm imagining this fuck has had luck with this approach before. So if you are any female who has responded to such a message, you are out of the damn club.

-You send a message with just a smiley face in it. :) You sir, are an asshole.

I should probably balance this out with people who are not ridiculous in a super bad not so good way:

-As our date is winding down, you tell me we should do this again. Then, the next day you send a text that says, "I had a lot of fun last night. Hope you did too."

-Your first message to me is, "I just looked at your profile and you seem like a dream." You win mountain man. You win.

-When I ask you out on a date you say you only have an hour and when I say, "Oh, we can totally do it next week then" you respond with, "No. You can totally predict kissability within an hour. Plus, you are going to see your ex the next day. I want you to be there the whole time thinking about the guy you just hung out with who's better than him." Confidence = win.

I pulled my profile down. I'm talking to three promising people. I was supposed to have a date with the one who is the very clear front runner. He had to cancel because something came up with his kids (a very good reason in my book). He raises highland cattle. He makes jokes about how he's more awesome than Dave. There is another who's really smart and sweet, with beautiful eyes. The third seems a lot younger, even though he's only a year younger. He's very funny and just got his Masters and is broke. I'm okay with that. I am having a good time. I am almost all dated out, but let's see where this all goes.

Happy picture of the day: We should all take pictures from here on out, with our eyes like this. Every child in the world would have constant nightmares, therefore fueling the world of evil to take over. We would then have to live off of a diet consisting solely of McDonald's Big Macs, and Jack In The Box tacos. Oh, it would be glorious indeed.