This Just In: Melanie Is No Longer a Loser!

That's right emm effers, I just won a Liebster Award thanks to CLR over at The Slow-Dripped Life. 1000 thanks to her for such an honor, along with a hit on the head for being dumb enough to think I deserve this shite. (Did I just negate a compliment? Shucky darns).You are awesome! The rules of receiving this are as follows:

1. Thank your Liebster award presenter on your blog. Done!
2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you. Done!
3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog. Done. Kind of poorly, but done nonetheless.
4. Reveal your five picks. Do I have to choose five? I suck at that kind of stuff and I love so many blogs. Damn you Labiaster. Shut up, that's what I'm calling the award. It's mine, and I'll do what I want.
5. Let them know by leaving a comment on their blog. Will do, shmegfaces.

Again, thanks so much for this award. Here are my picks:

Ash-Matic Does Things. I love Ash. I love his blog. I love that when he went on a blog hiatus for school he said that even if I didn't want to be his friend, he would make me be his friend. I look forward to being tied up in a closet somewhere in the UK, being fed only bangers, mash, and occasionally being sang a silly song. No, he doesn't sing silly songs on the blog. But he should. Like this one: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

The Undercover Caterer. I love Sarah, and I love food. I would love Sarah if she were made out of food. I especially love her Nana Wednesday posts. I have no idea if she has under 200 followers. If she does it's because people are stupid, and they hate unicorns. Seriously, they probably cut the arms off of newborns. They're jerks.

That's Just Stupid What You Said. I feel like Trixie is my friend who lives far away. Plus, at least 100 times a day I think, "That's just stupid what you said." I am an ass. She is an ass. We are asses, but you love us. You just don't know it yet. Or you do know it. In that case, you are super smart.

Abby Has Issues. Can't see her followers, and I'm almost certain she has way more than 200 followers. If she doesn't, there is something wrong with the world. More wrong than the fact that there are still people out there who think forcing their beliefs on others is totally okay. I'm looking at YOU homophobes. No, that has nothing to do with Abby. Abby is one of my favorite bloggers, and you should be reading her every day. I don't care if you have a life. That's no excuse. Stop making excuses. Go read about Abby's issues.

Stretching My Wings. She's awesome. She's a mommy. She's awesmommy. Does that sound like assmommy? I think so. At any rate, this is definitely a last but not least sort of dealiemajigger. I heart Heather. I heart Heather so much I sent her daughter a wallet with a dick on it. Okay, I lie, it was a Wienershnitzel wallet. But I wanted to sound way more perverse than I actually am. Which is pretty perverse, so I had to go there with the child...dick...wallet thing. It's like a dick in a box, only not at all.

So there you go kids. If any of those folks have more than 200 followers and get offended 'cause I sent them an award, they can totally suck it. And by suck it I mean I'm sorry and I love you guys. And by I'm sorry and I love you guys, I mean you can totally suck it.

Also, if you are one of my five feel free to break the rules and not thank me, link to me, and all of that stuff on your blog. I did this because I appreciate you. I don't need any sort of recognition on your site, and I most certainly didn't do this to get my name on your blog to get more readers. So carry on as you wish. 

Also, you need to go look at this immediately. You're welcome.