Zombie Apocalypse Officially Starts

And so it begins, thanks to one drug-addled naked mofo in Miami. I sure am glad I'm up on my shooting, and sword skills. We're going to need it. Check out the story here.

That's right y'all, a dude almost killed another man by chewing his face off. Then, when he gets shot by a police officer when he refuses to stop gnawing the other man's flesh, it doesn't even phase him. They have to shoot him six times. I'm guessing what the article fails to mention is that sixth shot was FINALLY in the head. Apparently, Miami cops don't watch zombie movies. HELLO!

I would like to both thank, and slap, George Romero for my life long fascination with zombies. Long before the remakes and the hoopla, I had Dawn of the Dead dolls with half eaten human corpses for stands. To this day I occasionally have dreams of the zombie apocalypse. I have had them as long as I can remember, and I have always been victorious in my dreams for the most part. I lose people and get scared, but I always emerge a total badass.

So you have to imagine when I see stories like the one mentioned above, that I at first am terrified, then I laugh my ass off when I think about the zombie-like aspects of the story. I can't help it. I have a really sick sense of humor. How does one get in such a Cocaine induced stupor, that chewing someone's face off seems like something you should do? I've done a shit ton of drugs in my life, and cocaine really IS a hell of a drug, but I never did anything like that. The worst thing I experienced was when I was up so long on meth, I would see shadow people running across the freeway behind my car. That was enough to convince me that I should probably sleep soon.

Honestly, I think most people on the planet are zombies anyways, minus the need to subsist on a diet of brains. The zombie movies were originally a social statement by Romero about the state of humanity. Also, about war and chemical warfare. You can find a great study about the parallels of the films to religion here. But I liken most people to zombies merely by the fact that no one thinks for themselves these days. Everyone wants a rhetoric to follow or a set of rules. "Hey, I'm (insert political affiliation here) so I don't need to think. Just go with what (insert political figure here) says." or "I don't want to admit I have no idea what is going on, so I'll just follow (insert religious dogma here) and be done with it!"

All kinds of people talk about how they are preparing for when the zombie apocalypse happens, but I would say it began a long time ago. Judging by the things I see most people around me saying or doing, we are totally doomed. The need to adhere to and blindly follow dogmas is pretty damn pervasive. I would like to say people are getting more thoughtful but I would be lying if I did. The "need" for things like the internet, tv, and social media aren't helping any. Get out in the real world and do real stuff, lest you wake up tomorrow quite cold and pale, with a hankerin' for a hunka skull flesh.

Happy picture of the day: Umm, I need this.

Source