I don't want to rekindle friendships with these people, or be a part of their lives. The reason that I ended our friendship was for a reason. But that doesn't mean I handled it in an adult fashion or did it in a way that I'm proud of. Sometimes it is necessary to just walk away. At what point is closure just not necessary? I hate that I always have the feeling of needing closure.
Sometimes it's less healthy to get in touch with someone again. Let me clarify that these were not horrible people who did hurtful things. They just did things that I don't find to be acceptable from my friends. Why do I have such a need to let them know that age old adage of "Hey man. It's not you, it's me."
I am working on letting a lot of this stuff go out in to the universe. I have been meditating on it and I am finding it hard to come to a steadfast conclusion that I'm truly happy with. I know that it's been years with some of them and I need to just move on. But there is that small part of me that wants to really be better, and thinks that part of my improvement needs to be coupled with a new round of amends. These amends would mostly be very selfish acts and things that I would do for myself. Things that would make me feel better about the person I'm trying to be. In that regard, maybe it's not fair to dredge up old memories.
Maybe my amends would do more harm than good. Maybe these people have effectively moved on and contacting them would just bring up hurtful things that they would rather not think of anymore. Am I making excuses, or is it really better to let things be? This is something I think about from time to time.
I'm leaning toward it's better to just leave things the way they are, and live for today. I can't change what I did or who I was in the past. The only thing I can control is how I am this minute. Who I am this minute is pretty awesome. Do I really need to prove that by going the extra mile and possibly doing more harm than good by contacting people I really don't wish to have contact with? I honestly don't know the right answer to that question. Do I look like a wishy washy fickle bitch in these jeans?
Happy picture of the day: holy shit this needs no explanation. This is hilarity my friends. Use me Jesus!
Personally I would just skip it. I say that because after obsessing and being mortified for something I did I fianlly decided to apologize afte a year and the person had no idea what the hell I was talking about! Granted stopping a friendship is different but still, I would leave it.
ReplyDeleteUgh, cant type on this thing
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty much where my head's at too. It's not like I really did anything wrong. I told them several times that things they did were not acceptable, and they continued to do them, so I stopped talking to them. I just have a guilty conscience.
ReplyDeleteI just want to make sure I'm doing all that I need to in order to stay healthy and happy. I think this thing is something I really don't need to do.
If you told them to cut out their nonsense and they kept it up, then I say it's their own fault if they can't figure out what happened. Especially considering you don't want to jump-start the friendship again; you'll have a whole new batch of guilt to deal with if, 6 months from now, you have to send the awkward email saying, "Look, I was sorry, but that doesn't mean I like you."
ReplyDeleteRobyn, Exactly!
ReplyDeleteThe main thing I thought was what if I write and then they think I want to be friends again and then I have to say, "No dude. I'm sorry that I shunned you, but I still don't like you. Have a nice life."
That would be so mean. So mean it made me giggle a little. :)
I think that unless you've had interaction with these people since that led you to believe it would make a difference, move on. It's just digging up old dirt. Maybe they would appreciate it, but honestly, they've moved on for the most part (I assume.)
ReplyDeleteNow if it's a situation where you still see the person all the time and feel like it would have an impact on them or your relationship going forward, I say it's never too late.
Plus, Robyn is right. I love Robyn.
I think that this is a great question!!! I don't think that there is any deadline for an apology...but I do think that something like this I would let go. They moved on and you bringing it back to life might do more damage then good. Unless you want to rekindle a friendship, but you said that you don't.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend growing up starting getting involved in things I didn't approve. She also started acting in a way I found embarassing and unacceptable. I decided to cut ties with her. She texted me after a month asking me what happened b/w us. I told her if she wanted to talk about it, let's meet in person. She declined the invitation. I'm constantly looking back and missing our friendship. I even regretted how I just cut ties without an explanation. But she moved on, as far as I'm aware, and it would be selfish for me to rehash drama just for my own ammends.
Hmm...I have to think about this one...
hmmmmm. well, i can't give you advice, but i know how i handle these things -- i just step away from them.
ReplyDeletei LOATHE facebook as people from the past always want to reconnect. usually i do NOT want to reconnect with those friends that i have dumped in the past. that is harsh, but most friendships end for a reason, and who wants to reconnect with those types! :)
@Abby,
ReplyDeleteI never see them. I just need to let it go. And I already love Robyn. It's your fault I go to her blog ya know! :)
@Jax,
That's a tough one. But good on you for telling her you wanted to talk in person. She obviously didn't care that much since she declined.
@droll,
Grrrrrl, don't get me started. I had so many people send me friend requests, then I'd never hear a word from them so I'd delete them. Some would then send ANOTHER request and I wouldn't accept. Some went further to send, "I like reading your updates. Please re add me." Umm, no. Lurk someone else. Hell, I get creeped out enough that I have so many blog lurkers who never say a word. That's really strange to me.
I would just let it be. Going back and opening up a closed door leads to trouble. There was a reason to close that door and no matter how you or they handled it you started a new chapter. Their sub-plots have been written out and resolved as far as the reader (you) is concerned.
ReplyDeleteHow many odd metaphors did I just pop in here?
Seriously Heather,
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether to pat you on the back or to slap you. :)
At any rate, people in glass houses can't take the heat so a bird in the hand gathers no moss.
Wait! Would it be a good slap? As in slap some sense into me. Or a bad slap as in slap the silly right out of me? If it is the latter...you are too late. No way are me and my silly parting ways! I love it too much.
ReplyDeleteAlso, after a few shots tonight (not something I normally do but tonight was a good night for it) I don't think I'd learn any lesson whatsoever.
So you should probably just pat me on the back. Or give me a hug. Or send me something cool...
Oh wait a sec...you already did that!! Yay You!! And Me! Yay US!
That was a lengthy comment about slapping. I was talking about the sense one. But as I have little sense at times, I think it's a stupid idea. Yay shots! Everyone needs to let loose now and again.
ReplyDeleteI think you are a crazy gal.....
ReplyDeleteI think that apologies never have expiration dates...
Of course they don't.
ReplyDeleteI just sometimes try and overcompensate when really I don't owe anyone an apology. Then things get awkward.
It depends on the individual in question (parasitic exes are a no-go). Either way, if you feel the need for closure, act wisely.
ReplyDelete-Barb the French Bean