Dear Blues

I want you to know that you should probably go ahead and give up on trying to make me one of those people who feel sorry for herself, or is constantly in a slump. No matter how many times I wake up and notice that you are with me something fierce, I will ALWAYS defeat you. ALWAYS.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am going to get back in to my meditation schedule that I have been so sorrowfully neglecting, as things were going well and I let it pass by the wayside. But no more. I am going to do all that I can do to keep my rose bushes flourishing, and flowers in my home beautiful, so that I am armed with the necessary weapons to battle the depression you think you can conquer me with. It's not going to work.

I am stronger than you. Hell, I'm stronger than almost anyone/anything I've ever come across. Although at times I may not know it, I know it right this minute, and that counts.

I will battle you with new frilly dresses that I don't really need, but find on sale at TJ Maxx for $24.99. Thank you Cynthia Rowley for making such wonderful things. This is a twirly dress I am wearing today. And I will twirl if it takes every god damned bit of energy I have in my body. I will skip. I will dance. I will give you, the blues, the finger and stick my tongue out at you. You sir, are an asshole.

I need you to realize that it's not your fault that you try and make me in to a miserable human being. You're just doing your job. Nothing short of a labotomy will make you ever go away for real, and permanently. No matter what, I will do my best to put on my fighting face when you are around. And even in the times when I don't feel brave, and I feel lost, I will gouge your eyes out. I will do so from the floor if need be as I lay in a ball in tears, feeling almost utterly destroyed.

You can not do this to me, and hopefully there are other people who come in to contact with you that will do much the same. We will collectively obliterate you. You are a menace and I'm over you.

For the past year I've had a "ride it out peacefully and let it go at its own pace" mentality. For now, that is no longer my chosen path. I will cheer myself up. I will call on friends to help remind me of what life is like, when there is joy. I will remember to make my gratitude lists, which I haven't done in far too long. I will wear more clothes like today, where I kind of slightly resemble Rainbow Brite. I will do what I need to do, because I will win. I am a winner. You are a loser. I will put you in your place, and you will stay there. Depression is a lying fucktard. I have to remember that.

Happy picture of the day: my new dress. I am wearing this paired with bright pink tights, and patent leather charcoal gray flats. It is obnoxious, and it is fabulous, and it is kicking the ass of the blues as I type.