I was sitting at work for what felt like forever waiting to hear back from her. Sitting at work wondering why it had been almost an hour and no call back. The not knowing is worse than anything I have ever experienced. You see, even though this is not my birth father, he is my dad. He was there for me for as long as I can remember being stern, setting limits, and giving hugs when I needed them. He is why I am where I am today, moreso than anyone else on the planet.
My mind raced to a million different places in the next few minutes after that phone call. I immediately prayed that he was okay not only for his sake, but for my mom's. My mom does not do well alone. My mom has never been single longer than a year or so in her adult life. Even if they said the heart attack wasn't severe and he'd be fine, I'd need to leave and be there for her. As I stated in a previous entry I am more the mother to my mom, than she is to me. I want to be there for her to lean on. Even though there were so many times when she wasn't that person for me, it is really important that I be that person for her.
I was at the hospital yesterday from 9 am until 8 pm. When I left they were thinking perhaps he had acute pancreatitis. A heart attack had been ruled out by about 11, then it became some maddening guessing game for hours on end. Like an episode of House, only without the scruffy attractive smartass guy with a limp. I ran home around 1 pm to pack a bag so I could stay with my mom and she wouldn't have to come home to an empty house. I checked on the kitty cats and made sure the bird had fresh water. I looked up to the sky and thanked whatever powers that be, that I am present and able to do this, whereas not too long ago I would've had to go and get drunk or high to deal. It doesn't have to be all about me anymore. It's a really nice feeling.
I have had acute pancreatitis. More than likely he'll just have to be in the hospital a few days 'til his lipid levels even out, then they'll remove his gall bladder laproscopically and he'll come home, needing about a week of taking it easy. Then he'll have a mighty feisty tummy. But at least it wasn't a heart attack. At least it wasn't something far worse.
Happy picture of the day: half of the time I feel like this.
Seriously.
Sometimes it takes something like this to put things sharply back in focus. Think about what you just wrote and all the things that this situation clarified in your own head.
ReplyDeleteYour relationship with your father and mother and what you all mean to each other and the milestones you have taken to get to this point.
Exactly! The one thing I always say is that my family is large, and totally dysfunctional, but when tragedy occurs we all close ranks and come together. There are two family members who over dramatize and try to make it about them, but for the most part we are really there to support one another.
ReplyDeleteI agree about things like this making you pay attention and focus on the good things. As of last night when my mom left they still weren't 100% sure about the pancreatitis. We'll find out the results of his abdominal CT today some time.
Sending you good thoughts and hoping that all turns out well.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Lil Dreamer up there. And I'll add that it is strange that it often takes an instance like this to get families together. We are all guilty of thinking that we are infallible and will always be around.
I think I'm going to go call a few of my peeps now. :)
The first thing I thought when I got the call was, "I need to call my niece in Idaho!"
ReplyDeleteWhat's weird is I am now the communication hub when stuff like this happens. My phone was dead by the end of the day from all the phone calls and texting. Then scolding my niece for posting about it on Facebook. Hi, not appropriate.
I'm so glad that it wasn't a heart attack or anything worse. You're so good for making your mother and father a priority. Staying with her is a very sweet thing to do. xo Good vibes being sent your way!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Jax. I just called and they said his gall bladder and pancreas are inflamed and they are running more tests. Looks to be pretty much the same thing I went through. Gonna go see him and give him a hug after work. He'll probably be there about a week.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep you in my thoughts! There seems to be a lot of family health drama lately with my friends--one just lost her father Monday--and yes, it puts things in perspective.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Thanks Abby. It certainly does.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at myself for telling my niece not to Facebook about it, when I blogged about it.
I just didn't want her unnecessarily worrying family members before we got a chance to notify them. I hate people finding out about stuff on Facebook first.
So scary. I can totally empathize with your fear. My dad had a heart attack when I was 16. My brother and I were out of town, many hours away when it happened. The time it took for us to get home and to the hospital was awful - it was before the days of cell phones, so we had no idea what was going on. Ultimately, he recovered.
ReplyDeleteI think it is situations like these that teach us just how strong we can be. I'm glad your dad is going to be okay.
Oh, and I pinned your happy picture - it's awesome!
That is horrible. I have a ton of family out of town I was talking to all evening. I just said, "There would be nothing you could do here either. If it gets worse, I know you'll get on a plane. Save that, I'll keep you posted."
ReplyDeleteI find it SO WEIRD that I'm now the grounded voice of reason of the family, who doesn't freak out and has to tell people, "Dude, this isn't about you. Shut up."
I hear that! I was recently appointed the executor of wills - because I'm the stable, mature one! I think that may say more about the rest of the family than it does about me.
ReplyDeleteI concur 100%. It speaks oodles of the rest of my family.
ReplyDelete