He's quite a bit older, which I'm fine with, kind of. There is that small part of my brain that wonders why a 50+ year old man isn't looking to date women his own age. But age is pretty relative. The main problem I'm having is he was laid off a few weeks ago. I went through the poor guy issues with Rich, and I am in no way excited about doing that again. I came to be very resentful for having to carry both of us and pay for things. Now, Joe has a law degree and is studying to take the bar, but that really doesn't mean all that much to me. I know I need someone who can financially carry their own weight. I know in this economy it is not his fault that he is currently without work. It happens. I am just not ready for it to happen to someone who is a potential mate.
The biggest issue however, is that he has yet to make me laugh. I absolutely need, in order to be attracted to someone, for them to make me laugh really hard. The kind of laughter that hurts. The kind of laughter that makes you so full of joy you immediately forget all of the crap in your life and just fully give in to happiness.
I am taking things really slow and just going with the flow, and trying not to worry about all the future stuff, and really live in the now. He's coming for dinner tonight and I am sincerely hoping that he brings the funny. Because to be perfectly honest, I will throw him in the friend zone if that doesn't happen pretty soon. Of all the strange requirements that I have, the sense of humor is the one that really seals the deal. It creates that spark that makes it possible to power through the tough times. Without it, there is little hope for anything to bloom.
I am stepping back and realizing how nice it is that I like myself enough to have standards. For so many years I spent time with men who in no way deserved my company. Thinking that no one else would take me, I settled more often than not. I had a few great ones, and a lot of duds. I am not willing to go with any of the duds anymore. Even more than that, I am not willing to go with anyone who I can't look at and think, "I need to be romantically involved with him." I am not feeling like that right now. But people tend to grow on me like fungus. Let's hope this dude's a 'shroom. And if he's not, here's to new male friendship.
Happy picture of the day: I had to take my mom to a casino for mother's day which I was NOT looking forward to. But I found this machine and made the best of it.
No more duds. Said it before - you're awesome. And awesome people don't accept duds.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yeah. I don't think I could share much of myself with someone without a compatible sense of humour. And the big waving signature of that is the ability to make me laugh.
Hope you have a fun time whatever the outcome!
Thanks Ash. You are a gem.
ReplyDeleteSeriously on the sense of humor. It's nice that he laughs when I'm being silly, but I need some reciprocation. It's like giving a ton of blow jobs and never getting any mouth love back. I simply can't handle it. Did I just go too far?
I am planning on exactly that. I will have fun no matter what happens.
Definitely sense of humor is number one on my list. Also on my list is When watching a neighbor of an abducted child on the news invariably saying Oh my god this is horrible, it could have been MY CHILD, he has to look at me and either roll his eyes or shake his head or forget it
ReplyDeleteHope he is hilarious tonight!!
The thing is, I tend to be overwhelming and make men nervous. Sometimes I don't see in to their real personality until I've known them a month or so. So I'm really trying to be patient and not write someone off ahead of the game.
ReplyDeleteI am totally missing what that second part of your comment is. It looks like you meant if you say, "That could've been my child" they roll their eyes at you like you're ridiculous. I am guessing I'm reading that wrong. Haha.
Nope, the opposite. When someone has a kid missing and the neighbor makes it all about how it could have been THEIR kid I get all pissy. It's NOT your kid. It's not about you.
ReplyDeleteWell that's great you know that about yourself so you're not dismissing people unnecessarily!
I can totally relate to this, and I am totally digging your sense of humor...I once posted a Crank Yankers video (Turd in the backseat of my car) on a man's FB wall after a phone conversation that entailed him saying he was "Yanking my crank" and me telling him he was full of shit. We were laughing when we hung up...I was laughing when I posted the video...he didn't think it was funny! OH WELL. As for dating, I am completely understanding where you are...not settling anymore. I am the prize and may the BEST man win :) Lady in denim dress here...paid $4 for it at a thrift store! Love your blog, what I've read so far...KSRL
ReplyDelete@Trixie,
ReplyDeleteDon't get me started on people turning stuff around and making it their issue. Good lord! I agree 100%
@KSRL,
Thanks for coming over! You are gorgeous in that dress. Loved that pic. I may send in one to her of me in one of my dresses. You totally inspired me. As for other people not thinking things are funny, I seriously don't even care. If I say something and no one laughs I'm like, "Your sense of humor is lacking." Haha. Not really, but kind of really.
Everyone's pretty much covered what I was going to say, but you can't go on with no spark. Friends are great, but if you want more, you need standards and more than "he's not that bad" to make things worth it.
ReplyDeleteHumor is huge.
I also have a draft of a post that kind of deals with this in that I used to feel guilty when I didn't feel the same way about someone or something that they did about me or that other people did. I had to get over that and realize that at my core, my feelings aren't influenced by others. I feel what I feel. No guilt. And I need to have a spark ;)
Sometimes I don't have an initial spark, but one comes later. So I haven't thrown in the towel just yet. But I'm with you. If there isn't one, life is too short.
ReplyDeleteI never felt guilty when someone liked me and I didn't like them back, but I sometimes did the, "If they only ______ I would like them." But they didn't have the if only part, so what was the use of even thinking that thought?
Sense of humor is A #1 - never settle for mere polite chuckle. No, because that man that can make you guffaw until you snort and your sides are ache is worth the wait.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I have awarded you with the Liebster Award on over at my blog...my apologies if you have WAY more followers than 200. I wanted to give you credit anyway and send more readers your way!
I think so too. I often say the only reason I have abs is from laughter. Side splitting laughter.
ReplyDeleteShut up! How awesome of you. I will go over and check it out. I have WAY less than 200 followers. Thanks so much!
At least you're giving it a chance! Worst case, you made a new friend. The whole no job thing would bother me too. I get the economy, but you're shits together and you should expect no less. But worst than that is clearly the laughing thing. Didn't make you laugh once? Hmmm...Well, let's see where it goes :)
ReplyDeleteDude, no spark, doesn't make you laugh? Seems pretty obvious. Yeah you want to be nice, but it seems like you're going out of your way to be extra nice. He's old enough to understand when someone says, "hey, I'm just not feeling it." You don't have to add, "and I'm deathly afraid of your crazy-wrinkled balls." That part you can leave out.
ReplyDeleteNot a single laugh? Not even nervous laughter on a first date? That's almost terrifying, like a conversation with a politician.
@Jax,
ReplyDeleteDay two and not one chuckle. Had to kind of awkwardly duck out at the end of a date to avoid the attempted hug and or kiss. Will not be seeing him again any time soon.
@Pickleass,
He went to the bathroom. It was taking a while so I checked my email and saw your comment, and cackled when I read "wrinkled balls." Never have I wanted someone to get out of my house so badly. I can talk about the political undertones of EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE too. But I choose not to, 'cause I'm you know, not fucking boring as shit! I was being too nice. The niceties end now.
And I called you pickleass for being an ass and making me laugh at the guy's expense in the middle of the date. I kind of love you for it.
ReplyDelete